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“There was nothing you could have done,” I said. “And in any case, there was nothing you should have done.”
“What does that mean?”
“Brent is a child, Dad,” I said. “He was not prepared to be an adult, which was why he kept making bad choices—these are the consequences of those choices, and he needs to feel them in order to learn.”
“He is your brother—”
“And he nearly put the love of my life behind bars for a crime he committed,” I said, as my anger revealed itself in my tone. “And, you know what? I don’t think he cared at all that he was framing an innocent man. And that should bother you, Dad; that should make you realize that your son needs help. Maybe prison is the help he needs.”
There was a long pause. “Megan, how can you be so cruel?”
I sighed and closed my eyes for a moment. “I’ll text you the number of the police officer, Dad,” I said, without getting into an argument with him over this. “Take care of yourself. Take care of Mom. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner.”
I hung up and stared at my phone. All that conversation had succeeded in doing was showing me that my only real family was the man I had turned my back on when he needed me the most.
Chapter Thirty-One
Phil
She was in every thought I had. But at least during the day when I was at work, I was able to be distracted. The adrenalin of being on the job and the company of Kendrick, Mel, and Ryan helped keep memories of Megan at bay. Not all the time, but enough so that it was manageable, at the very least.
But going home was the worst. My apartment felt so much bigger and so much emptier somehow. I had entertained the thought of asking Megan to live with me before my arrest, and now those hopes were leagues away. I didn’t know what to do with myself when I got home, and it seemed that no matter how tired I was I couldn’t fall asleep easily. I tried blasting music in my ears to drown out my thoughts, but still, she managed to creep into my psyche somehow and torment me with her absence.
I was in the day room that morning. We had been called out in the early morning, but it was nothing dire, and we had been back at the station in less than an hour. Kendrick and gone to take a quick nap, and Ryan was in the shower. Mel sat opposite me, snacking on some corn chips.
“So, Phil, how have you been doing lately?” Mel asked. I could sense the concern in his voice and wondered if my expression betrayed the turmoil going on inside me.
“Umm…fine,” I mumbled back unconvincingly.
“You miss her, don’t you?” Mel asked.
I sighed, realizing that apparently, I was just that easy to read. “I don’t want to miss her,” I admitted.
“She made a mistake, Phil,” he said gently.
“It was a pretty big mistake,” I pointed out.
“Fair enough…but is it fixable?” he asked. “That is really up to you, don’t you think? We all make mistakes in life; some are bigger than others. It all depends on what you’re willing to forgive and what you’re forced to put behind you.”
“She hasn’t tried to contact me at all,” I said.
“And that upsets you?”
“I don’t know what it does to me, to be honest,” I said. “Sometimes I feel relieved, sometimes I’m disappointed, but mostly I just feel like I’m grieving.”
“You are grieving,” he said. “You’ve lost a relationship in the midst of all this—and by the sounds of it, you had it bad for this girl.”
“I thought about asking her to marry me,” I admitted.
“No shit,” Mel said, raising his eyebrows.
“Not right now,” I clarified. “But I was seriously considering popping the question in a few months. I wanted her to move in with me before then, though.”
“Maybe you should try talking to her?”
“Why?”
“Because whether this is the end for the two of you or not, I think it’s obvious that you need closure.”
