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“You were in a good mood before that,” Mel said, with a sly smile. “Does this possibly have anything to do with Megan?”
“No,” I said a little too quickly.
Mel smirked, having obviously not believed me. I sighed. “We talked yesterday,” I admitted. “Not about us or anything personal…just things in general. And it was nice.”
I recalled our conversation from the night before. It had lasted almost two hours, and I had hung up feeling invigorated and happy. It had reminded me of our conversations at the beginning of our tenuous relationship before we were a couple and were just establishing the parameters of our friendship. It was nice to just turn your brain off and talk about unimportant topics, without worrying about the future.
Even as I’d hung up with her, I’d wanted to call her back and talk a little bit longer. But I knew I couldn’t keep doing that if I decided that I really couldn’t forgive her. The truth was that I had refused to think about it since our meeting at the park. My head was so messed up and confused that I had decided to give myself time to calm down first before I invested in any real introspection.
How
ever, when Megan had called last night, I had been filled with relief. I was scared somehow that she might move on and not tell me. But the fact that she had called proved that she was thinking about me, too.
I had wanted to discuss one thing in particular with her last night, but then I would have broken the unspoken agreement set up between the two of us. And that was not to discuss anything too personal and to keep things casual and general. But lately, ever since the trial, I had been thinking about my brother.
Spending a few nights in a jail cell had opened my mind to his reality, and I felt guilty about the fact that I hadn’t seen him in two and a half years. After all, I was the only family he had left, and I had basically turned my back on him when he needed me the most.
The thought struck me like a ton of bricks. Isn’t that what I had accused Megan of? Isn’t that why I was so hurt with her? And yet, I had done as much to my own brother four years ago. I had been mulling over that for the last two days, and I still hadn’t been able to find a way to handle my guilt.
“So,” Mel said, interrupting my thoughts. “Things are headed in the right direction, then?”
I looked up at him. “I don’t know yet.”
“You still love her?”
“Yes.” I nodded.
“Then shouldn’t that be your answer?”
When he said it like that, it sounded simple—everything sounded simple when an outsider put it in perspective for you. But I had a few demons of my own to exorcise first, and I needed to get that out of the way because I could focus on my relationship with Megan.
“I just need more time,” I told him.
Then I excused myself and headed to the front of the station to Sarge’s office. He was sitting behind his desk, going through something on his computer. I knocked once and waited for him to wave me inside.
“What is it Phil?” he asked.
“Good morning, sir,” I said. “I just came in to ask if I could apply for two days of leave. I’ll take on a forty-eight-hour shift afterward to make up for it.”
Sarge looked back to his computer. “When do you want to take these two days?”
“Uh…this coming Saturday or Sunday?”
“Hold on,” Sarge said, as he checked the rosters, then he looked up at me. “Is this an emergency of some sort?”
I hesitated for a moment. “To be honest… I want to go visit my brother.”
“Your brother?” Sarge said, with raised eyebrows. “The one in prison?”
“He’s the only brother I’ve got,” I said. “And, I haven’t seen him in over two years. I need to correct that now.”
“Being in jail made an impression?”
“More than you know.” I nodded. “I’ll have to travel to New York and…”
“Okay,” Sarge interrupted me.
“Okay?”
