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We sat down together, and I breathed a little sigh of relief. “I didn’t think you’d want to see me,” I said, being as honest as Megan had advised me to be.
“For the first six months, I didn’t,” Paul replied. “But then I grew up and got over it.”
“I’m sorry,” I said immediately. “I should never have stopped coming.”
“You know, in a weird way…the fact that you stopped coming to visit is what gave me the reality check I needed. I was forced to look at my life and realize that I had no one anymore—and that was because of the choices I had made.”
“That still doesn’t stop me from feeling ashamed of what I did.”
“Water under the bridge, little brother,” Paul said fervently. “I forgave you for that a long time ago. I didn’t exactly make it easy for you when you did come and see me… I was always so hostile.”
“Why was that?” I asked.
“I was jealous,” he said simply. “You were free, and I wasn’t. I had ruined my entire life, and you still had the rest of your life ahead of you. I was bitter and petty and stupid, and I took it out on you when you came.”
I looked down. “Still…”
“Don’t,” he interrupted firmly. “What’s done is done. You’re here now.”
I smiled. “You look good,” I said.
“I do, don’t I?” He smiled. “I look almost as good as you. Am I right in assuming you are now a full-fledged firefighter?”
I nodded.
“I’m proud of you,” Paul said, and his tone softened into seriousness.
“Thank you,” I said.
“How is life as a firefighter?”
“I’ll tell you,”
I promised. “But first I want to hear about you. I need to know how you’ve been holding up these last few years.”
“I’ll be straight with you,” he said, with a little sigh. “The first year here was difficult, to say the least. I was angry and defensive and mad at the world. Even though the person I should have been mad at was myself.
“I started seeing a counselor here, and he’s really helped me. I started to realize that the problem with my life was no one else but me. You see, I blamed Mom and Dad for a long time… And now after a lot of work, I’ve finally forgiven both of them, too.
“I’ve been reading a lot, exercising a lot, and basically trying to keep my mind and body as healthy as possible. My counselor suggested I take up studying, he told me it would be the best investment of my time here, and after a few sessions, I started to see what he meant. So I started taking a couple of courses last year so that by the time I get out of here, I’ll have a couple of degrees underneath my belt and a shot at a better future.”
“Fuck, Paul,” I said, in awe. “That’s something…”
He smiled and shrugged. “I’m doing everything I can to get out of here as fast as I can.”
“You think a reduced sentence is possible?”
“Definitely.” He nodded. “I might be able to shave a year or two off my sentence…we’ll see.”
“Dude, you have no idea how proud I am of you,” I said. “This is really impressive.”
“Well, I couldn’t let my firefighter brother outdo me, could I?” Paul said teasingly. “How’ve you been doing?”
“Life’s been stressful,” I admitted. “But in the best possible way. Firefighting is the purpose I needed in life. It gave me meaning and focus, and it’s kept me out of trouble all these years. Well…so to speak.”
Paul frowned. “What is that supposed to mean?”
“It’s a long story,” I said. “I might have to start visiting you regularly to tell you the whole thing.”
