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“Yeah,” he said after a few seconds, finally pulling his gaze away to look at me. “Things are fine. Why?”
I shrugged. “I don’t know, you’ve just seem a little...off, I guess?” Suddenly, though, I was doubting my previous thought about there being anything wrong. The whole thing was making me feel incredibly flustered, like I couldn’t even trust my own feelings or perceptions of things. Was this what it was like when you liked someone? I didn’t know if I’d be able to handle this.
“I’m sorry about that,” he said, and he gave me a smile, which seemed genuine, and reached over and took my hand. “I’m not trying to come across like that. I’ve just... I’ve got a couple things on my mind, is all. But you’re right—I shouldn’t let that affect my day, especially since I’m spending it with you guys.”
I knew he was saying it to make me feel better, and a part of me did, but another part of me also felt like a nagging, insecure girlfriend.
“If it was anything I did, I’d want you to feel like you could tell me,” I said. The words slipped out of my mouth before I could stop them—what I really wanted to do was just move on from this conversation, but I couldn’t seem to stop talking. “You can trust me, you know. I am not someone who can’t take constructive criticism, and I understand that people might want their alone time. I mean, I’ve never even had a boyfriend before, so I definitely get how nice it can be to have your own space and not have to—”
“Allie.” He had a bigger smile on his face now, which turned into laughter. “Sweetie. Can I call you sweetie? Stop. This really has nothing to do with you. And while I appreciate you understanding the importance of autonomy, trust me when I tell you I’d much rather spend my time with you than not.” He leaned toward me. “In fact,” he said in a low voice, “I’m hoping that later tonight we can spend some time together in my bed.”
I felt a warm tingle of happiness spreading across my chest, unspooling in me as he spoke.
“I would like that,” I said. “And there’s no one that I would rather spend my time with right now, either. But if that ever changes—I want you to feel like you can tell me that, and I won’t lose my shit or anything.”
“I will keep that in mind,” he said. “But I can assure you that as of right now—and certainly the foreseeable future—there’s really no one else I would rather be around with, either. I’ll try to snap out of it, okay? I don’t want to ruin anyone’s day.”
“Oh, you’re not!” I said, immediately feeling bad that I had let my own foolish insecurities get in the way. “You know, if there’s something bothering you, you can let it. That didn’t sound right, but... what I mean is, I totally understand if there’s something that’s bothering you and you don’t want to talk about it. I’m not saying that you need to pretend that everything is just fine if you feel like it’s not.”
“I know what you meant. I don’t want to be acting like things aren’t fine though, especially since what’s on my mind doesn’t have anything to do with you, so it shouldn’t affect us.”
I nodded, part of me hoping he’d elaborate and tell me what was going on. He didn’t, though, and I wasn’t going to push it. If he wanted to tell me, he could.
And Cole’s mood did seem to improve as the day went on. It was just a lot of fun to be out and riding around, getting to see new places. The bike path took us through several little towns, each with a bustling Main Street. We sat on the benches
outside a general store in one of these towns, eating penny candy from paper lunch sacks. We took a turn off to Soft Shell Pond and went swimming; when we were done, we rode into Gardner and had lunch at a diner.
My leg muscles were pleasantly sore, like they’d gotten a good workout in. And we still had a decent ride ahead of to get back, but I was perfectly happy to do so. Getting to spend the whole day out like this, with Cole and Declan, was more fun than anything else I could’ve been doing.
Chapter Twenty-Two
Cole
It had been almost a week since I’d run into Shannon at Mr. Geary’s, but I still couldn’t shake the feeling I had. There was no way that I was going to mention it to my parents, though, so the only other person I could talk to who would understand the impact of the situation was Ben.
“What was she doing there?” he asked.
“She’s a home health aide. It just caught me completely off guard seeing her like that.”
“Yeah, I’m sure you weren’t expecting that shit.”
“It went about as well as you’d expect.”
“Did you tell your parents?”
“No. My mother wouldn’t be able to handle it. She’s got so much guilt as it is; I don’t need to add to it.”
“Well, hopefully you won’t see her again. Shannon, that is. Not your mother.”
“It’s just...bothering me. I mean, I feel like it’s bothering me now as much as it was when I ran into her that day.”
“You didn’t say anything to her about...?”
I shook my head vehemently. “No. There’s no point. It would only complicate things by a thousand. She obviously still hates me and wishes her brother had never met my sister in the first place. Not that I blame her for hating me. I just wasn’t expecting to see her, I guess, and then knowing that my parents saw Sam at the grocery store... I mean, I still think about that shit.”
“Of course,” Ben said, nodding. “How could you not? Have you ever considered going to talk to someone?”
“Talk to someone? I’m talking to you right now. You’re essentially the only person that I can really talk to about this.”
