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He raised an eyebrow. “I think that means something.”
“It means I’ve idealized the whole thing,” I said. “That kiss was a mistake, just like last night was a mistake.”
“You’re saying it wasn’t any good?”
“Please,” I scoffed. “The sex was amazing…probably the best sex I’ve ever had, actually. That’s not what I’m talking about. I’m saying that crossing that line with Molly was a mistake. We should have just stayed friends.”
“I wasn’t aware you were friends with Molly.”
“What do you mean?”
“Come on,” he laughed. “She’s been here more than two weeks, and you’ve barely spoken to her. You haven’t even had a meal with her. Apart from that one conversation the day she arrived, when did you make the attempt to welcome he
r to your resort?”
“I was busy,” I said.
“Wouldn’t you have carved out the time for Jason?”
“Yes…”
“But not for Molly?”
“Molly’s different,” I said lamely.
“Molly’s different because you want to sleep with her,” he said bluntly. “Which is not a problem you face with Jason.”
I wanted to deny it, but even I couldn’t make myself lie that blatantly. “If you have a point, I suggest you get to it fast.”
“You’ve been wanting to sleep with Molly for years,” Ben said. “Probably since that first kiss, probably since before that kiss. When she showed up here, older and more confident, you were immediately attracted to her, so you decided to keep your distance. Except you didn’t do a great job of staying away from her. So you finally slept with her after years of thinking about it. I guess my question is, is the interest in Molly gone now? Was she just an itch that needed to be scratched?”
I had never considered that before. I thought about it, but my mind couldn’t seem to settle. Was that the real reason I had snuck out of Molly’s suite this morning? Was protecting her just an excuse, or was it the more convenient way out? At this moment, I wasn’t quite sure.
“Have you ever been in love?” I asked abruptly.
“Once,” Ben replied promptly.
“And did you know right away?”
“Of course not,” he replied. “Sometimes it’s not as simple as just looking at someone and knowing beyond a shadow of a doubt that you love them. Sometimes it creeps up on you. Sometimes it takes you years to figure out. I was in my senior year of college when I realized I was in love with my best friend. We had known each other since high school.”
“Did you tell her how you felt?”
“I told him,” Ben nodded.
I raised my eyebrows. “I’m sorry, you’re gay?”
He smiled wryly. “Have been all my life,” he nodded.
“Fuck, how did I not know that?” I said. “You’ve been my assistant for years now.”
“You miss a lot when your only focus is work,” he said. “And, you’ve never cared to ask me about my life before now.”
I shook my head and sighed. “You’re right,” I nodded, feeling ashamed of myself. I had been so focused on being successful that I had forgotten about all the relationships I was sacrificing along the way, with friends and with women. “But I’m interested now. Tell me.”
“I told Eric, he freaked out, and we haven’t spoken since,” Ben said without emotion.
“Fuck,” I said. “And that was it? Your friendship was done, just like that?”
