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"Hello?"
"This is Chief Hanson with the National Guard. How are you this evening?"
The last time I had gotten this phone call, I had gotten the warning order for my deployment delivered to my dad's house a few days earlier. That had been about a month ago, apparently a lot longer than most people got before they had to leave.
"Fine," I lied, "how are you?" I threw in even though he wasn't going to tell me.
"You and your battalion have been transferred to active duty. You have three days to report. Do you understand?" he said. I said that I did. He kept talking after that, and I just kept telling him okay. Okay. Okay, I'd be there. Okay, I knew I had paperwork to process.
We were being deployed in support of Operation Freedom's Sentinel for any duration up to eighteen months. I had to report Monday morning, 8a.m. Destination: Bagram Airfield, Afghanistan.
Chapter Four
Veronica
I wiped my cheeks angrily. I didn't want to anyone to see me like this. I kept my face down because if I did, I wouldn't see him when he came out of the apartment after me, apologizing and telling me he didn't mean any of the horrible shit he had just said to me. The part of me that wanted him to come after me knew he wasn't, but wanted it anyway.
I was in shock. The words he had said were still processing and it was like my body didn't want to make sense of it. He had said it was over, but how could it be? It was Roman. We were going to celebrate three years together in the fall. He was my boyfriend, my longest, best relationship. I loved him. I thought he loved me, too. He was my best friend after Tiffany. The person I'd shared my soul and body with for years, and now it was over?
Something inside me was rejecting it. No way...just no. There was no way that was it. I got outside and the cool spring air bit my wet cheeks. I knew I looked like I had just been crying and needed to get home. Maybe there this would make some goddamn sense. I got into my car and started driving. Thank God my car was working again. I couldn't imagine having to wait here for a cab or calling someone to pick me up, not when I was like this.
I wished I could drive past my place and just go home. Home was twenty-five minutes away, not that far, but my apartment was walking distance from Roman's place and that was too close. Physical distance between us wouldn't change what had just happened, but it would make it easier to pretend that it hadn't.
I wanted him to disappear. I wanted him gone. If he wanted to move on alone, then I'd help him. I didn't want to see him again. Never. I felt angry now. I was sad before, confused, then hurt, but now I was just mad. What the fuck? That piece of shit, how long had we been together before he decided to show is true colors like this?
And what he had said about there being someone else...
I didn't want to think about it. I couldn't do that to myself. If there was somebody else, I'd just get checked out to make sure he hadn't given me anything. I’d thought I knew the guy, but obviously, I had no idea who he was if I hadn't seen this coming. That meant I couldn't trust that he'd be smart or considerate enough to wrap it up if he had been sleeping with someone else.
It made sense, though, now that I thought about it. He had canceled the vacation plans we had been making because “he wanted to spend his limited off time at home.” He hadn't wanted to see my parents because “he had a lot of other stuff going on.” He had been distant because he was waiting for the right time to fucking dump me.
I unlocked the door of my apartment and let myself inside, calling Deana's name to see if she was home. She wasn't. She was alright as a roommate, but I doubted she would want to be around me when I was feeling like this. I went straight to my room, dropping my backpack on the ground and face-planting into my bed.
What now? I c
ouldn't do anything. I didn't want to lie in my bed and think about him, but how could I not after what had just happened? He had hit the brakes so hard and so suddenly, I was still careening out of control. It just didn't make sense. He was one of the things I thought I could be sure about. I felt secure with him, in love and proud of the friendship and love we had built that was thriving... Or at least had been.
I couldn't take it anymore. I cried. All my anger and frustration escaped, and I broke. I hated him so much for what he had said to me, but it was no match for almost three years of loving him with everything I had. He hadn't been my first, but he had been the first person I had slept with who made me feel good afterward, like it wasn't a mistake or could have been better. He felt part of me, so obvious there couldn't have been a time that we weren't together because the two of us fit so well.
I couldn't do this. I felt like shit, but how the hell could the first thing I did after Roman dumped me be lying in bed crying about it? I felt so weak already, I was just going to make myself feel worse. I got to my feet and took my hoodie off, trying to figure out what to do with myself.
A shower. I always felt better after taking showers. I could start there and once I was out, I would be able to do something other than lie in bed being pathetic. I had pulled my t-shirt up over my head when there was a knock at the door.
I dragged myself to my feet and went to get the door. Tiffany was standing on the other side, phone in hand. She didn't look like someone who had just come out on the other side of finals week. She was a tall girl and had no problem making herself even more imposing with heels. I was guessing that we didn't feel cold the same way because she somehow wasn't freezing outside in tights, a short skirt, and a light sweater. It was spring, but it was still a little windy in the sixties. She was the best and worst person who could have possibly walked through my door.
It wasn't her fault that her dark, almost black hair and blue eyes were traits she shared with my now-ex, but I was a little mad about it, I couldn't lie. They were siblings, she couldn't help that they sort of looked alike.
"I was just about to call you? What took you so long," she said, walking in past me.
"Welcome. Come right in," I said sarcastically, closing the door behind her.
Someone was in a good mood. I hated her a little for it, then reminded myself it wasn't my fault I was feeling so rotten. Getting dumped did that to you, and it hadn't even been half a day since it had happened. I was reserving the right to feel like shit, at least till that edge wore off. That said, she couldn't help that her brother had just dumped me for no apparent good reason, and I had to remember not to lash out at her just because I was feeling hurt.
"For a minute, I thought you were out or something. Is Deana here?" she asked. Suddenly, I felt exhausted. Tiffany had blown in with a wave of energy that I just couldn't mirror. I was spent. I was feeling mopey and upset and being around someone who was obviously in a much better mood was doing nothing for me.
"Just me," I said, watching her sit on the couch, nothing out of the ordinary, but part of me hoped she had plans later. It wasn't that I didn't want to see her, it was that I didn't want to see anybody. I wanted to cocoon myself in this apartment till it stopped hurting. The other part wanted to tell her, tell anyone that Roman Blake was a piece of shit and I hated him and list all the reasons why.
"I've been trying to call you."
