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His arm closed around me, and in a flash, I was on my back, his weight bearing me into the mattress. He rocked in and out of me, slow and steady. The long, hard strokes completed me, torturous and sweet at the same time. My opening wept around him, wet beyond belief. I tried to hold off my orgasm, wanting this to last, but I didn't stand a chance against the man who knew my body almost as well as I did. I let the wave knock its way through me, convulsing and crying out.
He went faster, grunting and thrashing till I felt his orgasm, his cum shooting powerfully from his dick, coating my walls. He sagged into me, panting, and kissed me sweetly before pulling out and rolling onto his back, taking me with him so I rested on his chest. Sated, we both came down from the sexual high, intimately together even though he was no longer inside me.
I couldn't keep my hands off of him. His skin was slightly damp where one rested on his chest. I always loved that he never waxed his chest or anything like that, being with a guy who had less body hair than I did was a pretty strong turn-off. I felt comfortable pressed up against him, naked after having sex with him for the first time in so long.
My fingers brushed the trail of coarse hair that led from below his navel to his dick. His hand closed around mine, bringing it to his lips and kissing my knuckles.
"Gotta give me a minute, babe," he said lightly. I was getting dangerously close to his dick and he wasn't ready to go again. I was just happy to be here. He was right there. His lips, his touch, his body... It had been even better than I could have imagined.
"I just can't believe it," I said.
"What?"
"When you left, I was hell-bent on hating you. I tried to hate everything you were and everything we did," I admitted. His chest rose and fell under my head.
"I'd do the same thing if I were in your position. I'm sorry I did what I did to you," he said.
"I thought that if I could find a way to hate you, I'd get over you faster. I never forgot this, though. I couldn't hate it."
"Sex?"
"Well, yes," I said, blushing, “but this part too. Just being in your arms again." The arm he had around my waist tightened, and I felt him kiss my forehead.
"I missed holding you," he said into my hair. His arms made me feel safe – his arms, his specifically. I had been intimate with guys since Roman, but he was... It meant more with him. There was history and friendship there. When we came together, it wasn't just our bodies that connected.
"You don't know how much I missed this," he said. If it was anywhere close to how muc
h I had missed it, then I had an idea. "Stay with me tonight." It hadn't been a question. It hadn't even been a suggestion. He was telling me to stay the night. I could have said something, that I didn't want to stay with him, or that I didn't like it that he didn't even bother to ask me first. Both would be lies.
His hand came up and brushed against my cheek. I craned my neck to look up at him.
"I thought you had fallen asleep on me," he said.
"Not yet." I was tired, but I wasn't dozing off. "Be right back," I said, gently removing myself from his hold. He had an en-suite bathroom, so I didn't have to go far. I rifled through my purse for some makeup wipes and disappeared behind the door. I wiped my face off then cleaned up before he dried in between my thighs. We had been committed, and I had trusted him completely, so I didn’t mind that we hadn’t used protection.
Yep, and how had that turned out?
I didn't want to think about it, but the thoughts flooded through me as soon as I had allowed that little trickle of doubt in. Laying there with him it had felt right again. His force in my life was undeniable. I had been a fool thinking one measly year was all it would take to get over him. I had carved space for him in my life, and he had never stopped filling it, even when he broke my heart and left me.
He had done it once. Who was to say I was safe if I let him back in again? According to him, it was his deployment that did it. He was still in the army, even though he was home now. He could get deployed again – he probably would. What would that mean? Would he do it again? Decide for the both of us that we couldn't be together anymore?
I had just shared my body with him. The satisfaction sapped out of me, replaced with fear and something else. Regret. Roman had always made me feel proud and full and in love after sex. What if this was a mistake?
A year was nothing, but it was everything, too. What had happened that I had missed and what did it mean for us? I wanted to say the trust I had had for him was restored, but it wasn't. It couldn't be. We weren't on solid ground and look at how little it had taken for him to dump me before.
It had been too much. I had never cried over another person like that in my life. People who knew me and didn't know me alike would ask me what was wrong with me, whether I was okay because I had been such a mess. I couldn't go through it again. I couldn't. I wasn't sure a second chance with Roman was worth that much fucking heartache.
A sharp knock at the door made me jump.
"Yeah?"
"You okay?" I heard him ask. How long had I been in here? I splashed water on my face and patted it dry before coming out.
"All yours," I said as lightly as I could. He cupped my cheek, kissing me before he went into the bathroom. I waited for him on the bed, finding it hard to be comfortable there again. The toilet flushed, and he was out a few moments later, still naked. Even with all the doubt in my heart, I couldn't help the way my body responded to him.
He climbed into the bed and tucked me into his chest, facing away from him so we were spooning. I felt a kiss on my shoulder as he told me goodnight. I pushed back into him, holding one of his hands in mine. I wanted that physical comfort to make me feel like I was wrong about doubting him. I wanted so badly to feel as free and safe as I used to, but I couldn't ignore how we'd gotten here.
I knew now to watch my back. I would until he let me know I didn't need to anymore.
