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“Just because I was good in the past, doesn’t give me a free pass to keep sinning now.”
“Keep sinning? What other sins have you committed?”
“I dream about him every night and wake up all sweaty and…”
“Horny?”
“Shut up. But yeah, I guess.”
“Horny is not a sin. It’s an actual undeniable human emotion. He was obviously feeling it, too; he was sporting that big old erection because you turned him on.”
“That doesn’t help me knowing that. It makes me more so. I’ve never really felt it before that night. And now, I’m a raging pervert. Then, there’s the jealousy; I’m committing that sin all over the place. This chick that’s hanging all over him, I’m so jealous of her that I can’t see straight.”
“She’s his ex-” Carla started.
“I’m jealous that you know that,” I told her, honestly. I was. I hated that she knew so much about the woman. I’m pathetic. Carla cracked up again. When she stopped laughing she said,
“I thought you meant you were jealous of her and Jace.”
“I am, but like I said, I’m jealous that you bonded with her so fast. I feel paranoid like she’s trying to take you both from me.”
Still laughing, Carla said, “Oh, baby girl. She can’t take me from you. I was stuck in a boat with her, so naturally, we talked. Her name is Lily. They dated in high school. She broke up with him and just recently ran back into him.”
“Did it seem like they were sleeping together?”
Shaking her head at me, Carla said, “You know, it’s hard to tell just by looking at a person.”
“You know what I mean. Did she say anything that made you think they were doing the…”
“The horizontal mambo? The nasty?”
“Okay, never mind!”
She giggled. “I’m sorry. But no, honey, she didn’t say anything to indicate that; although I’m not sure what that would be other than, “Guess what? I’m doing a priest.”
“You can be so crude sometimes.”
“I’m just trying to lighten the mood. Come on, I’m only here for the weekend. Stop stressing and let’s have fun, okay?”
I suddenly felt bad. She was right. She was here to visit me and all I was doing was commiserating over my own issues. “I’m sorry. Yes, I’m going to drop it and we’re going to have fun.”
My eyes cut over to where Jace and Lily were serving lunch side by side. He’d changed into a black t-shirt that fit him better, but was tight across his big chest and arms. Nothing about him looked like a priest right then—not that it did most of the time. What is a priest doing taking that good of care o
f his body? Isn’t that a sin, too? Maybe not. Maybe God just wanted them to be healthy, I didn't know.
“Stop staring at him,” Carla scolded me. “At least be more subtle. All of these other churchy people are going to notice.” She lowered her voice and said, “And then, they’ll make up a story that the two of you are fucking…only it will be true.” She had a harsh way of putting it, but once again, she was right.
Chapter Twenty-Seven
Jace
After we finished serving lunch, Lily and I fixed our own plates and sat down at one of the tables with them. Daphne’s friend had come up and got both hers and Daphne’s. The poor thing couldn’t look at me again.
Some of the parishioners were playing a volleyball game and some were throwing Frisbees around. Some had just gone off to explore. I scanned the park for Daphne and finally found her and her friend. They were kicking around a soccer ball with a couple of the teenage kids who had come along. Daphne had pulled her wet hair back into a ponytail again and was smiling and laughing as they played.
It was my first chance to watch her just be happy. It was nice. She was drop-dead gorgeous when she was nervous and antsy…or drunk…or angry…but happy was much nicer. Happy gave her face a softer look, and I couldn’t help but want to touch her.
I could pray over it 20 times a day, but I cannot control my thoughts or my body’s reactions. Maybe I needed to accept that. Maybe concentrating on controlling my actions would save me in the end. Or maybe I should stop looking at her…and stop putting myself in situations where I know she’ll be.
