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“I appreciate your honesty with me about this and I do appreciate you doing this now before we went through the effort and expense of a lengthy investigation.”
I thanked him and shook his hand. He gave me a blessing before I left. As I walked through the church on my way out, something about it felt different. I still felt at peace, but there was another, lighter feeling there, too. I didn’t really understand what it was until I got home. I looked around my place and thought about what I was going to do with the rest of my life.
In that moment, I realized that having that freedom of choice also gave me a feeling of relief. I knew the first thing I wanted to do was go get the woman I loved. I love Daphne, and as long as she and I are together, I have faith that the rest of it will fall into place. My faith is restored in God, and in life…all thanks to her.
Chapter Forty-Seven
Daphne
An entire week went by without a word from Jace. Every time I was anywhere near his side of town, I thought seriously about stopping by and confronting him.
I was a nervous wreck and had so many questions. Why was he shutting me out? Did our time together mean so little that he could just walk away that easily without a word? Did he just need time? I wasn’t sure. I had no idea what to do.
So, I did nothing. I went to work every day and went through the motions of my life. Bethany and I didn’t really talk anymore. I’d forgiven her, but I couldn’t forget. Her betrayal hurt me deeply, mostly because it had hurt Jace.
I knew that I couldn’t live like that forever. Carla was the only person I had to talk to and that was only on the phone. She was as supportive as she could be, but the second I hung up with her, I was reminded once more of how alone I really was. I’d never been so confused or felt so empty in my life…and considering my life, that was saying a lot.
I was working double shifts to keep busy, but was dead on my feet. I finally kept my day off. I had to get some rest; I was running on nerves and lots of caffeine.
Speaking of which, I had just gotten out of the shower and finished my coffee and was thinking about what I needed to get done when there was a knock on the door. I went over and looked out the hole.
Jace’s beautiful face was there and he was smiling. He looked…radiantly happy. I pulled it open, and I had to remember to breathe.
“Hi…” I had barely got the word out before he pulled me into his arms and kissed me.
At first, I was so overwhelmingly happy to know he still wanted me that I responded. I reveled in the feel of his hands on my body, his lips on mine, and his tongue in my mouth. God, I loved kissing him. It took me several seconds to get a reign on rational thought and my anxiety returned.
What is he doing? People will see us! He’s under investigation! I felt panic well up in my chest. They could be watching us right now. I pulled my lips away and grabbed his arm. I pulled him inside the apartment and slammed the door behind him. I know I was looking at him like he was crazy; I thought he’d lost his mind.
But, he was still smiling. “Are you insane?” I finally said when I caught my breath and found my voice.
He laughed and I thought, Maybe he’s drunk. “No,” he said, “I’m not insane. At least, not much. I have good news, though.”
My fear was replaced by hope instantly. “Oh my God! Is the investigation over? Were you cleared?” I knew it was too soon, but he was all over me on my doorstep. I couldn’t think of any other reason he’d be so excited.
“Have a seat,” he said, calmly.
“But…” I couldn’t wait to hear his news. Why didn’t he just tell me?
He laughed again. “Daphne, sit down, please.”
I sat. I wasn’t happy about it. I wanted to know what was going on. Right then. I wanted instant gratification so that we could kiss more.
“Let me get through this before you say anything, okay?” I nodded. It was going to be hard, but for him, I would do it. He said, “I’m not a priest any longer.”
My stomach fell as I suddenly thought maybe he was let go, kicked out, ostracized…all because of me. There was a part of me that guiltily celebrated, too. Now we can be together! That’s what the public kiss was about. I kept my mouth shut though, although it was hard as hell.
“I’ve been soul-searching since the night I met you, trying to figure out why I would do what you and I were doing without regard to the fact that I’d taken a vow of celibacy and promised my life to the church. I came to some big conclusions about that.
“Once I did that, I went to the Diocese and I told them that I would step down so they didn’t have to have this big investigation. I also told them that this wasn’t a snap decision. I’ve put a lot of thought into it. I’ve agonized over it and I’ve prayed over it.
“This is what I kept coming back to: being a priest was not my calling. Being a Catholic is completely separate from that and I can still have a relationship with God.”
He paused to take a breath and I opened my mouth. He smiled and held up a finger. I stayed silent as he reached and took my face in his hands.
Leaning in close, he said, “I realized that this was the only decision that would allow me to be happy. I realized that since that first night, I had already chosen you. It’s the right choice, as long as you choose me, too?”
I decided that I didn’t need to speak. I let my lips meet his and we kissed, passionately, speaking without any words; we were talking to each other through our hearts and our souls.
