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She frowned at that one, and her smile faltered a little. “You fucked me once before,” she said as if that were a real argument.
I sighed. “Exactly,” I nodded. “Which means I don’t need to do it again.”
I stood up just as Aaron set my drink in front of me. I shook off her arm and pushed the drink towards her. “I’m afraid this is all I can give you tonight. Night, Aaron,” I nodded to him.
Then I took off with her eyes on my back. I got onto my motorbike and started my way back to the clubhouse. It wasn’t like I wasn’t horny. It was the fact that the girl I wanted was not in that bar. The girl I wanted was sitting in my house right now waiting for me.
Chapter Twenty-Four
Mila
It was dark when I came downstairs. I had just showered after a long training session in the ring with a few of the boys. Zack and Devon had been missing in action, and I knew I was the reason. They were busy trying to find new leads that might tip them off as to where Walter might be.
Some days, I woke up and it felt like he was a nightmare that I had conjured up out of nowhere. There were times when I could almost believe the nightmare and convince myself that Walter Black had never existed at all. He was just a figment of all my insecurities and fears rolled into one. I had started going over that night obsessively in my head. I would force myself to recall that moment when he had wrapped his hands around my neck and tried to strangle me because I refused to sleep with him.
I wasn’t a sadist. It was my way of trying to build up my resolve, my courage, and my determination because I had started imagining a possibility that used to terrify me in the past, but now it only filled me with expectation. I started imagining what it would be like to come face to face with Walter again. Except this time would be different. I was no longer the shy, uncertain, terrified woman he had picked up and carefully groomed. I was not a possession to be acquired and then used. I was strong. I had confidence, and I felt like I could take him on.
I wasn’t sure if that was coming from a place of ignorance. After all, it was easy to be brave when you secluded in a cocoon of safety, surrounded by men who you knew would fight to protect you. I wondered how I would feel if I were to move out of the house and continue on with my life as if nothing had happened.
Some days, it actually felt like a viable option. I knew how to defend myself now. Wasn’t the whole point of that to be able to live my life without fear? Maybe I wouldn’t need to move to another state at all. Maybe I could stay here… close to Devon and close to… no. I forced myself to end that thought. We both knew we had no future. It was pointless to dream about things that would never be. It hurt more when you had to walk away from them.
The living room was empty when I walked in. I could hear a few of the boys in the kitchen and a motorbike outside. A second later, I heard the engine die. I walked outside, hoping to see Zack, but it was just Devon, and it appeared he had come back alone.
“Hi,” he said, walking towards me.
“Hi,” I nodded back. “Heard anything?”
“No, sorry,” he said, and I could see the frustration on his face.
“Maybe you should call it quits?” I suggested.
“While that asshole is out there, walking around and lying in wait?” Devon responded. “Fuck no.”
“I thought you went with Zack?” I asked, trying to sound indifferent about it.
“I did.”
“He didn’t come back with you?” I asked.
“No… he looked like he needed a drink.”
“Oh,” I said, hoping that my disappointment wasn’t evident in my tone or my face.
“I don’t know if he’ll be back any time soon… just in case you were waiting for him.”
“I’m not,” I said quickly. “I was just… wondering.”
Devon looked at me carefully for a moment, and then he sighed. “Don’t tell me you’re actually falling for him?”
I knew that deflecting the question would only work against me. So I thought about how to respond. “I’m… not in love with him,” I said.
Devon gave me a smile. “That sounds like a lie.”
“Fuck,” I sighed, looking down. “It did, didn’t it?”
“Pretty much,” Devon nodded.
“Fuck me,” I said again. Then I noticed Devon’s eyes on me. “Oh don’t look at me like that,” I said. “It’s bad enough this has happened.”
