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“Maybe so,” she nodded
. “But that doesn’t mean it can’t be true. Your father loves you to death, Zack… he’s just not the type of man to ever say that out loud. I’ve been with him for two decades now, and he has never once told me he loves me. But why should that bother me? I feel like he loves me. So why should words be necessary for me to believe that?”
“I don’t need words,” I said. “I never needed words. But he was always so… harsh, so angry with me.”
“Oh, Zack,” Mom sighed. “He was never angry with you. He was angry at the world—and sometimes he took it out on you—but it was only because he was trying to prepare you. He wanted to make sure you were ready.”
“For what?”
“For life, for adulthood, for the lifestyle we’ve chosen to live,” Mom replied. “A part of me thinks he was even preparing you to deal with Godwin.”
I frowned. “Was he really scared of that?”
“Yes,” Mom nodded. “Godwin is not a man who forgets a slight. He’s hated your father ever since I ran away with him. He couldn’t strike back because the cost would have been too high. So your father feels he’s just lying in wait… trying to find the right moment to strike. And what better way to strike back than to target you.”
“Does he… does he suspect?” I asked.
Mom raised her eyebrows. “Does he suspect what?”
“Does Godwin suspect that I might be his son?”
“It wouldn’t matter either way,” Mom replied. “You were raised by his enemy; you call him Dad. Even if it turns out you’re his son, he’s not going to feel like you’re his son. Zack… I know you think he treated you differently because of this, but he would have been the same with any son we might have had together. Trust me…”
I looked at Mom and wondered what made her choose this life. She was a quiet woman, and she blended easily with other people. If anyone saw her on the street, no one would assume she was the wife of an MC leader.
“Why did you stay with Dad?” I asked bluntly.
“Because he loved me,” she replied.
I was slightly taken back by her response. I had expected her to say the more conventional ‘because I loved him’ line.
“He loved you?” I repeated. “Didn’t you love him?”
Mom smiled. “Not at first,” she admitted. “I clung to him because he was giving me a way out. My plan was to leave the state and go someplace new. I didn’t want anything to do with motorcycle clubs or their lifestyles. I wanted to get as far away from that as possible.”
“Seriously?” I asked, amazed that we’d never spoken about this before. But then, I hadn’t really been interested in listening before now.
“Yes,” Mom nodded. “But I had to lie low for a while before leaving the state, and in the meantime… your father and I became friends. Do you know the reason I decided to stay behind?”
“Why did you stay behind?” I asked.
Mom smiled. “Because he asked me to,” she replied. “He didn’t make any declarations of love. He didn’t promise me anything. But he didn’t need to. I knew him well enough to know that he wouldn’t be asking me to stay unless he felt he could treat me well.”
“So you stayed?” I asked, in amazement. “You must have loved him then.”
“I did at that point,” Mom nodded. “He just loved me a little more at first. It’s the reason he didn’t care about my pregnancy. He just wanted to look after me… and you.”
I sighed. “He did look after us,” I admitted. “I suppose realizing that is what brought me back here.”
Mom nodded. “You’ve grown up.”
“Do you think Dad will ever speak to me again?”
Mom smiled. “Of course,” she said. “He was thrilled to see you.”
I raised my eyebrows. “Umm… did we see the same man?”
Mom laughed. “Trust that I know your father better than you do. He’s angry, but beneath that anger is relief. He’s glad you’re back. Which is not to say he’s going to go easy on you.”
