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I was worried about Helen too. She was staying in an assisted living facility now, and Emma and I had been over to visit her a couple of times. She was having a difficult time remembering who we were, and although I had managed to convince Emma for the time being that we were just playing an elaborate game, I knew it was only a matter of time before visiting Helen started to be too upsetting for the young girl.
And for me. I couldn't deny that watching the two of them interact like this was just too painful. Helen had flashes where I could tell she realized who Emma was, but they were rare. Her cognition seemed to be dissolving rapidly, and her bad days were already outnumbering her good ones.
I forced those thoughts out of my head, helping Emma out of her bath and into a pair of light summer pajamas. Then, I brought her into her room so that I could tuck her into bed.
The thing was, everything was complicated enough lately without having to worry about Olivia's unexpected pregnancy on top of that. Everything with Jeannie left me feeling drained, and even though it didn't hurt quite as much to think of Emily's death, that in itself made me feel guilty. Plus, even if thinking of her death didn't hurt as much, I still was forced to think about it every time that I consulted with Jeannie and every time that Dr. Halsey contacted me to hear if there was any change in our plan.
I couldn't seem to get Jeannie to agree to the treatment, even after I'd had an altogether too frank conversation with the woman about what I'd had to go through, watching Emily waste away to cancer because it had been too late for treatment. I'd hoped that she'd take my words to heart and realize the pain that she must be causing her daughter, but Jeannie was staunch in her refusal to seek treatment.
There was nothing more I could do for her.
And there was nothing more that I could do for Helen, either. With the two of them, and now with Olivia's pregnancy on top of that, I just felt helpless. Almost as helpless as I'd felt when I'd found out the extent of Emily's cancer. It was too much for one man to deal with. I wasn't sure what I'd done to make the universe so angry with me again, to cause another horrible streak of bad luck.
I was terrified that something would happen to Emma.
“Daddy, you're squishing me,” the girl piped up, and I realized that I'd wrapped her in a too-tight hug. I released her hastily, lying her down on the bed and pulling the covers up around her.
I kissed her forehead. “I love you, sweetie,” I told her. No matter how many times I said it, it wasn't enough.
Emma rolled her eyes again. “Daddy, you're supposed to read me a bedtime story first,” she reminded me.
I couldn't help but smile at that, although I knew the expression didn't quite reach my eyes. “Silly me,” I said. “How could I forget? Which story do you want tonight?”
“The one about Princess P!” Emma cried, her eyes lighting up.
I felt another pang in my heart: the story of Princess Pernilla was one that Helen had given the girl. Emily had always loved reading the story of the plucky characters, putting on different voices for each of them. It was a total coincidence that Emma had requested that story that night. As much as I wanted to urge her to pick a different story, I just shook my head and grabbed the story off the shelf, bringing it over so that I could sit down on the edge of the bed. I had to make sure she could see the pictures.
We were halfway through the story when my phone started ringing in the bathroom, buzzing against the porcelain sink where I'd left it. I could hear it going through the wall. The ringtone turned deliberately loud in case of emergency. It seemed like emergencies were always on my mind these days.
I debated ignoring it because I couldn't be on call at all hours of the day. If it were really an emergency, the hospital would take care of things. But Emma's eyelids had already dropped closed, and although she wasn't fast asleep yet, I knew she was asleep enough that she wouldn't notice if I didn't finish the story. I shook my head, knowing that if I didn't answer it, guilt would eat away at me.
I stood up carefully and smoothed back her hair, kissing her forehead again. She stirred a little, but just as I'd suspected, she didn't protest having storytime cut short; she was too asleep for that.
My phone had quit ringing by the time I made it into the bathroom, but when I saw it was the hospital, I quickly called them back.
“Hi, Dr. Jones,” said a tired-sounding orderly. It must be a busy night. “I was calling to inform you that we have one of your patients, a Mrs. Jeannie Sable, in the emergency room.”
I felt
my blood run cold as I remembered the last time that Jeannie had gone into the emergency room. With no treatments performed in the weeks since then, I had a feeling I knew what things looked like for her now. “How is she?” I forced myself to ask.
The orderly was quiet for a long moment.
“I'm a doctor,” I snapped, frustration getting the better of me. “I know what her prognosis is, and I know things don't look good.”
“Right,” the woman said, sounding startled at my outburst. “Dr. Halsey says it's not likely that she'll last the night.”
I closed my eyes briefly, knowing how upset Olivia must be. And Olivia, I had to ask about her. I had to assume that she was the one who had brought her mother in in the first place because if Jeannie had her way, she would probably die in peace at her home.
I swallowed hard, knowing the next question that I had to ask. “Is anyone else there with her?”
“Yes,” the orderly admitted. “Olivia Sable, her daughter is here. She's quite distraught, too.”
“I'll be right over,” I told the woman before hanging up the phone.
I immediately dialed the sitter that I'd been using since Helen's condition had deteriorated. “Jenna?” I asked. “I was wondering if you could come over and watch Emma, possibly for the whole night,” I told her. “It's kind of an emergency. She's already gone to bed, so you wouldn't have to do much. I'll pay you double your normal rate since it's short notice and overnight.”
“I'll be right there, Mr. Jones,” Jenna said, not bothering to ask any questions. I had to appreciate that, at least.
