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“Anyway, back to what we were talking about. Of course, it’s going to be weird. I don’t think anyone expected that Alex would move back into town and everything would go back to the same, even if Kadie wasn’t in the picture.”
I gulped down more of my drink. “I guess I wish things could be more like what you have with Carl.”
Perri eyed me, suspicion all over her face. “What do you mean by that?”
“I don’t know. You guys are back together, right? It’s hard to keep track depending on the day of the week.”
She rolled her eyes. “We’re not that bad, but yeah, we’re together. So, what, you’re saying you want to be with Alex? Date him?”
I took another sip of my drink and then let out a long, drawn-out sigh. “No, I don’t know what I want. It’s just that you and Carl can have this on-again-off-again thing, and it’s not a big deal if you don’t know what your plans for the future are.”
Perri snorted. The waitress came back with her Coke. “That doesn’t make it simple or anything,” she said.
“I know. I know.”
Perri rolled her eyes. “Carl takes everything so seriously, and …” She dropped her eyes.
“What?”
“I guess I kind of have the opposite problem. Carl wants more, but I’m afraid to give him more, even though …” She put down her Coke and took a big gulp of her daiquiri. “Yeah, that hits the spot.”
We both sipped our drinks in silence for a few seconds.
“Want some advice?” I said.
“Sure, as long as it doesn’t cost anything,” Perri said, still working on her drink, her cheeks already reddening slightly.
“If you spend too much time trying to figure out what you’re feeling and worrying about the future, it’ll end with you being confused when the future comes.”
Perri put down her daiquiri and stared at me. “What are you getting at?”
I shrugged. “We’re not in high school anymore, Perri. I got a kid. Joe has kids and a wife. Carl and you.” I sighed. “Listen to me. I’m trying to give you advice, and I yelled at Alex because he offered child support.”
Perri blinked and stared at me for a second. “Huh? Did you just say you yelled at Alex because he offered you child support?”
“Yeah.”
“That doesn’t make one lick of sense. So, what, you want Alex to be a deadbeat dad?”
I rubbed the back of my neck. The daiquiri wasn’t giving me the buzz I needed. There were definitely more drinks in my future.
“No, I don’t want him to be a deadbeat dad.”
“I don’t get it, then. I mean, come on, we both know plenty of women who got knocked up, and the daddy doesn’t even want to admit it’s his, and even if he does, he fights tooth and nail to not have to give a dime or anything, and Alex shows up, fully accepts Kadie’s his, buys a house with a room for her, and wants to give child support, and you’re upset?”
I winced. When Perri said it all that way, it did sound stupid. If Alex had done the exact opposite, I’d be pissed with him, and everyone would say he was dodging his responsibility.
“I guess I think he deserves to be a part of his daughter’s life, but that doesn’t mean I’m going to open my heart again to him.” I shrugged.
“No one says you have to.” Perri gulped down the rest of her drink. “You’re just making things more complicated in a situation that’s complicated enough to begin with.”
“Says the girl who keeps breaking up and hooking up with the same man but is afraid of what the future with him might bring?”
Perri rolled her eyes and then laughed. I joined her.
“We’re so messed up,” I said, downing the rest of my daiquiri. Finally, a soft warmth seeped through my whole body along with a pleasant lightness. I almost flagged down the waitress for more drinks but figured getting totally shitfaced 20 minutes into my night was probably a bad idea.
Alex and Carl strolled in. No, stroll didn’t describe what I saw. They swaggered in like they owned the place. I glanced over at Perri, and she shrugged, obviously as clueless about why the rancher bros were suddenly so full of confidence.
