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I shrugged. “I guess we should tell her in the next day or two, then.”
His smile returned. “Seriously?”
“Yeah. She’s taking a shine to you, and she does deserve to know who her daddy is. We’ll still have to figure out everything else, but no reason to wait.” I winked. “You have a lot of blocks in your future.”
Alex grinned broadly, but the grin disappeared into a yawn. It was then I noticed how exhausted he looked. I’d been distracted by the smiles and the paint all over his face, but large bags rested under his eyes, and his movements were slow, as though they took extra concentration.
“Looks good around here,” I said quietly, not yet ready to ask if anything else was wrong. I half-feared it was my fault he was so exhausted. Maybe he’d been agonizing over when I was going to tell Kadie.
“Yeah, making good progress. Probably be able to start moving furniture in next week, and then I guess I can move in.” Alex rubbed the back of his neck. “The cabin’s been nice, but it’ll be even nicer to really have my own place. It’ll be my first real place.”
“What do you mean?”
“Always just rented little studio apartments in Texas. Even though I lived there for so long, it was like …”
I peered at him. “Like what?”
“Like I knew I didn’t belong there, so I didn’t want to set down real roots.”
I nodded slowly. I wasn’t going to complain. If he’d set down real roots in Texas, he would have never returned to Tennessee.
“So that’s why you’re so obsessed with this place?” I said. “You want to set down those real roots here again?”
A thoughtful expression crossed his face. “Yeah, I guess you could say that.”
“It’s not the end of the world if it takes a little longer,” I said.
Alex furrowed her brow. “What?”
“You just look so exhausted,” I said. “Between this place and working the ranch, I wonder if you’re running yourself ragged. You shouldn’t make yourself sick over this.” I reached over and gently caressed the side of his face. “We all know you’re not going to run, Alex. You don’t have to prove anything to us. Or to anyone.”
He stared at me for a long moment. “Yes, yes, I do.” Then a grin returned. “But it’s not that, not really.”
“I don’t understand.”
He shrugged. “I’ve worked way longer hours before. I’m not tired because I’ve been working too hard on the ranch and house. I’ve just been having some trouble getting to sleep.”
“Why is that?”
“Just some nightmares. Not a big deal.” He frowned. “I used to have more of a problem with them, but when I moved back here they were mostly gone, but the last several days, they’re back. Doesn’t matter, though. They’re just dreams, not real.”
“Oh, I see.” My heart sank.
I wanted to ask for more details, but then I remembered Carl mentioning how bad Alex’s nightmares were when he’d first come back to Livingston. I figured asking him for details would probably force him to focus on something awful even more.
I wondered why they’d come back, but that didn’t matter. The only thing that mattered was helping him fight them.
“Well, you know,” I said, my mothering instincts still kicking in. “Lots of ways to get better sleep. Going to bed at the same time, making sure you’re eating well.” I nibbled on my lip for a second as I thought about the problem. “They also say you shouldn’t look at your phone right before your sleep. The light messes with your brain somehow and makes it harder to get to sleep.”
Alex chuckled. “It’s not a big deal. It’s not like I’ve never dealt with nightmares before. They kind of came with the accident. I’ll live.”
Even though he wore a nonchalant look on his face, my heart broke at hearing him talk that way. He’d moved back to Livingston to find some peace, and it sounded like he’d finally found that peace, but it was being denied him.
There had to be something I could do beyond bringing him pizza and chatting with him on the phone. Or, for that matter, beyond giving him blowjobs.
“You should spend the night at my place,” I said softly.
Alex laughed. “If the idea is for me to get sleep, I don’t see how that would help.”
