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“First,” he holds up his hand, imitating the “stop” gesture I used. “I’m going to need you to promise to take care of your mom.”
“What do you mean?” Silas cocks his head, confused.
“I mean that your mom does a lot for you both, and she works hard. I need you to take care of her, okay?”
Both of my boys look from me to Heath to me to Heath, and then they surprise me by nodding easily.
“Okay,” Sebastian says.
“Okay,” Silas parrots.
Heath looks at me and winks.
“Why don’t you hop in the shower while the boys and I make breakfast?” He says. “There are extra towels under the sink and I promise there’s plenty of hot water.”
I’m just about to protest when I realize what he’s doing. He’s giving me a chance to have a little break, and I’m not about to give that up. Not only is Heath absolutely wonderful with kids, but he’s a shifter, too, so he really understands exactly what they’re going through.
Oh, and he’s hot.
Like, really hot.
As soon as I’m in the shower, I close my eyes and just let the water rain down on me. He’s got a waterfall shower, so the water covers absolutely everything. My entire body is covered in water and it just...it just coats me with this feeling that everything’s going to be okay.
Part of me feels like a bad mother.
Scratch that: a terrible mother. Part of me feels like no matter what happens in my life, I’m never going to be able to live up to who my own parents were. They were always there for me. They were always kind. They were gentle.
Perhaps most importantly
, they loved each other and they loved me so very much.
With my own kids, I hope I’m conveying that same message. I hope that each day, they wake up and they just feel so loved. I hope they come to understand that yeah, they might not have a dad, but that’s okay.
I hope they realize that sometimes, having a mother is more than enough.
Finally, I manage to convince myself that it’s time to get out of the shower, and I wrap myself in a towel. Standing in front of the mirror, I look at the girl in the mirror. Well, she’s not much of a girl anymore, now is she?
Nope.
The person I’m looking at is a woman, through-and-through.
She’s strong and tall and brave and she’s...
Well, she’s trying her best.
Right?
I just wish that my best was a little bit better. Oh, work is fine, and my kids are fine. My life overall is fine, but I’ve been stressed with the book signings and my writing schedule. Despite having a personal assistant, I often feel out of control. Sometimes it seems like everyone else in the world has more agency over themselves than I do.
Sometimes it seems like no matter how hard I work, I just can’t get ahead.
I look at the clothing I was wearing yesterday. Then I look at the t-shirt Heath gave me to sleep in. There must be something seriously wrong with me because I kind of just want to keep wearing the t-shirt. I’m sorry, but I love the way it feels against my skin. I love the way I look in it. Hell, I love the way it still smells like him even when I’m inside of it.
On impulse, I grab the shirt, yank it over my head, and look at myself in the mirror. I love it. It looks good. Yeah, it’s really baggy, but I don’t care. There’s just something about having his scent wrapped around me that makes me feel absolutely fantastic.
Then I remember that I’m going to be hiding back to my campsite sooner or later, so I take the shirt off, put my bra back on, and then put the shirt on one more time. I follow with my jeans, but skip the panties. My panties and t-shirt from yesterday are things I can live without, so I bundle those up and shove them into my pocket. I’ll wash them when I go back home tomorrow.
Not that I want to go home.
