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It was better that I left things the way they were: as nothing. Besides, I didn’t plan on coming back to town ever. Mom passing away wasn’t something I planned on. Her death came as a huge surprise to me. After all, she was still fairly young. It doesn’t seem fair that death claimed her, stealing her away from the world.
Then again, it isn’t really fair that I never explained to her why I did what I did.
Why I went with him.
Why I didn’t look back.
My mother and I never really got along. She always wanted a daughter – not a son – and she made that very clear to me. Maybe it was because my older sister passed away before I was born. Maybe it was because she always hoped I’d heal that place in her heart. I don’t know. All I know is that my entire life, I felt like I wasn’t good enough for her, and I felt like she’d rather have anyone else as a child but me.
Leaving with my dad, as terrible as he was, had felt right. He had given me a way out of my mom’s world. He’d given me a chance to explore a new place and live a new life and make decisions for myself.
He’d given me a chance.
And now I was back.
“Order up,” Joyce says. I didn’t even notice her coming back with the food. She slides the place of steaming pancakes and bacon onto the table. I notice she’s added a side of eggs to the platter, too, which makes me happier than it should. Okay, so Joyce really never forgets, does she.
“It looks amazing.”
“Made with love,” she tells me.
“Thank you.”
“You were gone for a long time,” Joyce says, thoughtfully. She puts a hand on her hip and leans over a little. “What were you doing, Cage? Where’d you go?”
“Is that the burning question?”
“Pretty much. You basically ran off without a trace. You didn’t even say goodbye to anyone, kiddo. Not your mama, not your girl.” Then, to my horror and devastation, she adds, “And not to me.”
And that’s the moment I realize that me leaving town without a backwards glance didn’t just affect Alicia and Mom.
I
t affected a community.
Joyce really was always there for me. She always cut me deals and discounts when I was a teenager. She probably shouldn’t have, but she was constantly sliding me free deals or “forgetting” to put stuff on my check. She saved my ass a lot of times when I was up late studying for tests or worried about girls. She was always available to help me with my homework when I sat in that second-to-last booth in the diner.
And she always, always believed in me.
“My dad needed me,” I tell her.
“I thought that might be it,” Joyce says carefully. I know she knew my dad. At least, she did, once upon a time.
“He asked me to go with him, and I did. My mom...”
“Your mom had her own battles,” Joyce says.
“She never wanted me,” I whisper.
“Now, Cage, we’ve had this talk a million times. Your mama wanted you. She loved you so much, Cage, but she was hurting, too.”
“She didn’t need to take it out on me.”
“Nope, she didn’t,” Joyce agrees. “And honestly, she should have spoken with a therapist long ago. It might have helped save your relationship.”
“She talked to a therapist after I left?”
“Oh yeah,” Joyce nods. “A couple of weeks after you left, your mama decided it was time to make some changes in her life. She knew she couldn’t keep going on the way she had been, so she set up an appointment and started seeing a doctor who could help her work through her grief. See, when you left, Cage, your mama felt like it was losing a child all over again. She hadn’t been very kind of understanding with you. No, not at all. Still, when you walked away, her grief wrapped around her and it threatened to smother her. She had no choice but to seek help, and we’re all so proud of her that she did.”
