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“Don’t be scared.”
“I’ve never been scared in my life, Emmie.”
I smile at the nickname. Gavin is the only one who has ever called me Emmie in my life. My teachers sometimes try to call me Em or even Emma, but Emmie is something that is just Gavin’s and mine. It’s ours. It’s like a warm secret I can hide behind.
It’s like a gentle hug.
“Spin it, then,” I say. “Go on.”
Only, I hold my breath because I lied to him. I’ve never done this. I’ve never done anything like this at all. Not ever. I might be in the 8th grad and I might talk a big game, but the truth is that I’ve never even kissed a guy.
Not even on the cheek.
“Whatever,” he says, and he reaches for the bottle. Gavin looks up at me for just a second. Does he know that I’m holding my breath? This is a stupid game and we’re stupid for playing it, but part of me just wants this to happen. Part of me thinks that my very first kiss is inevitable, so I might as well take matters into my own hands and ensure that my first time is with someone I trust.
With someone I care about.
Not with someone I love.
I don’t love him.
I know that much.
“Come on, then.”
We sit down in the center of the floor. It’s hardwood because my dad thinks carpeting makes houses look cheap. Everything in our home is made of mahogany. I don’t really get what the big deal is, especially now. We’re kneeling on the floor and my knees hurt. I don’t care about how much Dad paid for these floors. I care about the fact that I’m going to be sore tomorrow.
Gavin sets the bottle down between us, reaches for it, and unceremoniously spins it.
And then everything changes.
In that moment, I hold my breath, and I realize that what I really want, more than anything else, is for it to land on me.
I want to kiss Gavin, I realize.
Even if he’s not my forever someone.
Even if we’re not in love.
Even if he doesn’t want to date me.
A kiss is just a kiss.
And I’d love to have my first one be with him.
The bottle slows and then stops. It’s pointing directly at me. Gavin looks at it and raises an eyebrow.
“Well,” he says. “Would you look at that?”
“Yeah,” I say. “Funny.”
“Well,” he shrugs. “Are you scared?”
“No.”
“Ever kissed a boy before?”
“No.” I slap my hand over my mouth, but the truth escaped my lips too fast. Now I can’t bring it back. Gavin smirks because he knows. He knew even before I said it that I was an innocent, that I was naïve.
