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“I just...don’t know,” I shrug. “There’s too much there. It’s too hard to unpack.”
“You like him, don’t you?” She asks. “Even after everything he’s done, you really like him?”
“No,” I whisper.
“Liar.”
“How could I?” I whisper. “He’s been horrible. A bully.”
“Sometimes people fall in love for all the wrong reasons,” Karen says carefully. “But sometimes, people act out for the wrong reasons, too.”
“I don’t know what that means.”
“I think you both have a shared, sordid past.”
“So?”
“Maybe you two have a lot more in common than you think. You say he’s a bad boy with a heart of gold, right? Well, maybe that heart is just a little bit broken.”
“You think he’s acting out because he wants my attention?”
“I think you’re the only person who could possibly understand what it’s like to be Gavin,” she says. “And I think you both know it.”
I close my eyes for a second and try to process what she’s saying. Could Karen be right? Could I be the only person who really understands what he’s going through? It doesn’t make a lot of sense. I would never treat someone that way, but Gavin and I are two very different people, and everyone processes grief a little differently, right?
“Maybe,” I finally admit.
Karen grins and reaches for the broccoli again.
“Don’t start,” she says before I can say anything. “I like broccoli,” she insists.
“Then why are you staring at my cheeseburger?”
She frowns.
“I am not.”
I move the burger away from my plate and then back again. Her eyes never leave it. I drop it to the plate and she looks up at me sharply.
“Now that’s not fair,” she says. “Nobody should treat a burger that beautiful like it’s not important.”
“You just proved my point.”
“I did nothing of the sort,” she frowns, and she reaches for more vegetables.
Gavin
WHEN I FINALLY COLLAPSE in my bed for the night, it’s with a heavy heart. I’m tired of everything hurting and feeling so damn raw all of the time. That’s what my life has come to. It’s just raw. Everything hurts and everything’s sore. I just want some reprieve.
When I’m with Emilia, I feel like my heart is going to be okay. She’s beautiful and kind, but she’s passionate, too, and sometimes, I think she’s the only person who can ever help me feel whole again.
I miss my father more than I could ever put into words. I miss him so much more than I ought to, especially considering everything he’s done, but that’s my dad. That’s just him.
And sometimes, when I look at Emilia, all I can think about are the nights we used to spend hanging out together when our dads were working. Even when I was a kid, she was the one person who always made my world seem just a little lighter, just a little sweeter.
Somehow, no matter what I was going through, she always made things seem not quite so shitty.
