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Or I could be strong.
What would Mom do?
My mom isn’t exactly a role model. She hasn’t exactly been the epitome of bravery or strength. She walked away, and even though she’s dead now, I’ll never forget that she did whatever it took.
Maybe she struck a deal with the devil because she was on drugs. Maybe she gave me up because she thought I’d have a better life. Maybe she was tricked into giving me up. I have no idea, and I know that I’ll never know, but...
But this is my chance to make my choice.
“I’m wondering what’s going to happen when we go back to school,” I finally blurt out.
Harrison stills, and instantly, I know that was the wrong thing to say. Okay, so maybe honesty wasn’t the best policy, at least in my case.
“What do you mean?” He asks.
“I mean...are we going to be together?”
“Is that what you want?”
Again, honesty.
I haven’t gone after what I wanted...ever. Not until this week. And you know what? Going after Harrison felt good. It felt so fucking fantastic that I want to do it again.
“Yes, that’s what I want.”
My voice sounds tiny and frail and weak, and for a second, I think he’s going to laugh at me, but he rolls over and looks at me. We’re lying on our sides, facing each other, and he reaches for my hair. He touches me gently, stroking my curls, and then he asks me a hard question.
“What do you like about me?”
“Everything.”
“Specifics.”
“Harrison, I like that you’re brave. You go after what you want. You don’t give a shit what people think about you.”
It might be cheesy, but it’s the truth.
“Funny. I was going to say the same thing about you.”
His words shoot straight to my heart, and I hold them there. I’m never letting these words go. Never ever.
“You were?”
“Something’s changed in you lately. I always thought you didn’t like me, that you were totally unattainable. And honestly, you always kind of came across to me as a good girl who was scared of everything.”
“In some ways, I’m still like that.” I shake my head because I know that change doesn’t happen overnight. I’m not suddenly going to be incredibly brave all of the time. I’m showing pockets of bravery: little snippets of what I could be.
“I’m not so sure about that. The Adalee I know is making a comeback.”
“A comeback?”
“When we were kids, you used to be so fucking brave and bold. You’d do whatever you wanted if you thought it would make someone smile or someone laugh. In middle school, things kind of changed.”
That was when Frank started laying down the law. I was going through puberty, so I had a new role. I had to learn what was expected of me, and falling for Harrison?
That was so not expected.
“Now, though, it’s like I’m getting to see a little bit of the old Adalee.”
