Page 33 of Heartless

The problem was that it had been a giant misunderstanding that had caused Zoey to never want to see me again. Anytime I tried to bring her up, Felix just shook his head and told me he didn’t want to be involved. I got it. He wasn’t a mediator. It wasn’t his job to help Zoey and I find common ground to work out this problem.

It was his job to plan his wedding and take care of Lauren and make sure that everything went perfectly on her big day. The rehearsal dinner was to be held at a beautiful restaurant just a few blocks away from the church where the ceremony would take place. Lauren and Felix both wanted a church wedding, so they’d chosen the chapel where her parents had gotten married years ago. It was a cute little church, and it was a good choice for a wedding. It was idyllic in many ways.

The plan was to rehearse and then eat, which was probably a good idea. If we ate first, nobody would want to go to the church because we’d all be stuffed full of food, and possibly drunk. As it was, I only wished I was drinking.

Felix and I were the first to arrive at the church, and we sat outside while we waited for everyone else. The mood between us was solemn, teetering on excitement. I knew he was nervous. Felix pulled out a cigarette, lit it, and brought it to his lips.

“Smoking?” I asked. “Since when do you smoke?” It wasn’t something I’d ever seen him do before. In our friendship, I was always the naughty one, the edgy one. Felix was as straightlaced as they came.

“Since I have a lot on my mind,” he told me, shrugging. He looked away, as though he couldn’t bear to say what the problem was.

“A lot on your mind? Like what?”

This was it.

This was his opening to tell me that Lauren was preggers. We all knew it. It was totally obvious. He could just come out and say it, but instead, he shook his head. Chicken.

“Just the commitment,” he said.

Wait a minute...what?

“Are you trying to tell me you’ve got cold feet? Is this the part where I convince you to walk through those doors and seal the deal, my friend?” I could do that if he needed me to. If Felix Lane needed someone to encourage him, then I could be that guy. Was I ready to get married? Absolutely not. Was I comfortable telling my best friend to man up and go through with it? Sure. If I doubted at all that Felix really wanted this, I’d tell him to run for the hills, but Felix loved Lauren. They both felt like they were supposed to be together.

“No,” he shrugged, puffing on the cigarette. Seriously, smoking? When did this start? Felix had always been so clean cut. If anything, he was kind of a goody-two-shoes. I’d always been the naughtier one out of the two of us. I was the one who liked sex and kink and being a bad boy. Felix had always been wildly vanilla in every way.

“Then what is it?”

“Lauren’s pregnant,” he finally said, looking over at me. “You probably didn’t know, but that’s why we decided to get married so fast. We want to be married when the baby arrives.” The look on his face was so serious and so cautious that I didn’t have it in my heart to tell him that not only did I know, but that everyone knew. Instead of calling him out on the shitty lie, I started laughing and hugged him.

“Congratulations, man,” I said. “You’re going to be a great father.”

I didn’t say that we all knew it. I didn’t say it was obvious by Lauren’s insane cravings. I didn’t say anything at all except that I was happy for him. That was what being a best friend was all about. It was about knowing when to call your friend out and when to just let them have a moment to themselves. This was a big deal for Felix. It would be a big deal for anyone. He was about to become not only a husband, but a dad. That was incredible, but it was a lot of pressure, too.

“I haven’t told Zoey yet,” he admitted quietly. Felix seemed bothered by this. I wondered if it had something to do with the fact that I’d slept with her. Felix didn’t say anything about Zoey, not really, but I suspected that he knew what had happened. He was kind enough not to call me out on hurting his kid sister, but still, the fact that he didn’t tell her Lauren was pregnant was strange. Had I inadvertently caused a rift between Felix and Zoey? Fuck, I hoped not.

“Why not?” It surprised me that he’d keep this from anyone, let alone Zoey. I was almost as surprised to hear he’d kept this secret as I was that he’d willingly brought Zoey’s name up in conversation. For the past few months, he had carefully avoided talking about her at all, and I didn’t blame him. I’d upset her, and wildly so.

I hadn’t expected my ex-girlfriend to show up at work, and I definitely hadn’t expected her to make a move on me in front of the entire office. When I’d seen Zoey’s face, I’d known that I’d screwed up. Instead of blatantly kicking Debra out of the office, I’d tried to remain civil. I valued my job and the relationship I had with my clients. My coworkers’ opinions of me were also important to me, and I didn’t want them to think I was taking the easy way out at work.

In retrospect, I should have told her to get lost. Instead, I’d tried to err on the side of being polite. I never had seen Debra again. I couldn’t stand her, and in fact, I made it a point not to go to anyplace she could even possibly be present at. I worked very hard to make sure we were never in the same circles, yet that wasn’t enough.

Zoey didn’t want to talk to me, which sucked. It was painful to me. The truth was that one night just hadn’t been enough. She’d been so perfect and wild. I’d gone on a few dates since my night with Zoey, but nobody had compared. I wasn’t going to go as far as to say that she’d changed me, but she’d definitely driven me crazy in all of the best ways, and what was worst of all was that I missed her. It felt like the universe was finally giving me a chance with her. Finally, I was given a chance to see what it was like to be with someone as wonderful as Zoey Lane, and I’d completely blown it. I’d fucked up.

“She’s been going through some stuff,” Felix finally said. He puffed on the little cigarette. Damn, that just didn’t look right. I thought about telling him just how stupid he looked. He wasn’t even holding it right. I couldn’t, though. Felix looked too sad. This was his rehearsal for his damn wedding, and the guy looked like a wounded puppy. That just wasn’t okay.

“Like what?” I asked gently. I’d learned, during my years as an attorney, when to tread carefully. This was the kind of situation where Felix could either open up completely or shut back down for months. The wrong word at a time like this could destroy him. I needed to be careful, but I still needed to be here for him.

“Just with the move,” he shook his head, and then his eyes rolled toward me. “Sorry,” he said. “I wasn’t supposed to say anything. Shit.” He dropped the cigarette and rubbed it under the heel of his shoe. Then he picked it up and carried it to a trash bin that was on the curb. He didn’t look at me as he walked away.

Wait, what was he talking about?

Move?

Zoey had moved?

The last I’d heard, she was back in Monterey and working at some digital media firm. I hadn’t looked her up on social media again after the night we’d been together, so if she’d updated her location, I hadn’t seen. I’d texted her and called her for a few days after our date, but I’d gotten the message loud and clear. She hadn’t wanted to see me again, so I’d finally stopped trying. I knew that if I told someone no, I would want them to respect me. I’d tried to do the same for Zoey.

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