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“I want to be a scientist,” she says. “After I graduate from the academy, I’m going to go to a shifter college and find a job in a lab somewhere. Something neat and tidy.”
“And your mate?”
“I don’t have one.”
I’m confused.
“I thought everyone had a mate?”
“Nope,” Megan shakes her head. “At least, if I do, I’ve never had mating dreams, and I’ve never had an urge to find someone to love me. That’s okay with me,” she adds before I can say anything. “I don’t need a partner to be happy.”
“That’s very mature of you.”
“It’s just the way I feel,” she shrugs. “I’ve always been kind of a loner. I prefer the idea of being able to do my own thing, rather than needing someone to be there with me, you know? I don’t like answering to people.”
“That’s true. Just ask her mom,” Erin says, and both girls chuckle.
“Your mom doesn’t like the way you live your life?” I ask gently.
“Not so much. She has very strict ideas on what a good wolf shifter should be, and I fit none of those ideas.”
“I’m sorry. That must be hard.”
“Not as hard as you think,” Megan says. “I mean, I live at the academy and she lives off in a town somewhere. We don’t speak very often.”
“My parents are dead,” I tell her. “But we weren’t very close before they passed away.”
“What happened?” Erin asks. “You seem pretty young. No offense, and I mean, I hope that isn’t too personal of a question. If it is, just tell me and I’ll shut up.” She makes a zipping motion, like she’s locking her lips, and then she throws away an invisible key.
“My dad died in a car wreck when I was 12,” I tell her. “My mom couldn’t handle life without him.”
I rarely talk about my mother’s suicide. It was one of the hardest things I’ve ever gone through and even though it’s been years since she passed away, I don’t want to imagine what life would be like if she were still here.
My mom is never going to see me have kids.
She’s never going to see me have babies.
She’s never going to be able to watch me fall in love or turn into the person I’ve always dreamed about becoming. Maybe that’s the real reason I like being a writer so much. Maybe I just really love being able to write about characters who do have moms. Then I can sort of, in my own weird way, experience having a mother as an adult.
Kind of messed up.
“Woah,” Erin says. “You just drifted off into your own world for like, five minutes. Are you okay?” She looks concerned. Megan does, too.
“Yeah, you kind of completely spaced.”
“Sorry, I, uh, I don’t really like talking about what happened.”
“Understood,” Erin says. “We all have shit in our pasts. Sorry for bringing it up. Now why don’t you remind me when the Battle of the First Wolves was?” She turns back to her book and gestures to the page she’s on.
“No problem. It was in 1823, right?”
“I think so,” she says.
We spend the rest of the afternoon prepping for our next history test, talking about the upcoming school dance, and complaining about the cafeteria food. Before I know it, it’s time to head to dinner. The three of us go together with my not-so-secret bodyguard following at a distance. If the girls have noticed him, they’ve been kind enough not to say anything. Even worse than having someone follow me would be feeling like a prisoner in my own space.
Not that this is my space, but, well, it’s starting to feel a lot like home.
“Hey, there’s your boyfriend,” Erin nudges me with her elbow and smiles.
