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“I think that was you,” I giggle, touching him, because apparently, losing my virginity makes me giggle.
“Are you feeling okay?” He asks gently. “You aren’t too sore.”
“No, I’m fine,” I tell him, and I am. It wasn’t over quickly, by any means, but he was tender. Kind. Besides, I think dark fairies are a little tougher than ordinary faes. If anything, I’m ready for another round, but Edward seems tired. I just hope he feels a little sated, the way I do.
All of this happened so fast and now, suddenly, I wonder if it’s actually what he wants. I don’t want to feel completely insecure, but we’re both dark fairies. We both know what it means. Maybe we were willing to do this because we might be marching to our death tomorrow or because we don’t know how much time we actually have to live. I’m not sure.
But I’m also not sure what I’m supposed to do now.
“Dark fairies mate for life,” he whispers.
“I know.”
“Are you sure you’re okay with that?” He says, stroking my arm.
“With being yours?”
He nods. We’ve only just met. This entire thing is crazy, but if the mating call is true and real and the luck of the fairies is that we only mate once, then I suppose everything’s going to be just fine. There’s a lot Edward doesn’t know about me, but then, there’s so much I don’t know about him, either.
And so much I’ve already figured out.
“I am,” I tell him.
“Me too.”
Then he sighs and looks at me and I wonder what he’s going to blurt out. We’re dark faes. This isn’t some one night stand that can just be over and done with. Even if we walk away, our bodies will be called back to one another until one of us dies. It’s quite the bond, and perhaps it’s something we should have thought through a little better, but it’s much too late for going back.
“I need to tell you something,” he says, and I know what he’s going to say, but I also know that it’s going to change everything. I’m more than happy to continue on for a little while just not knowing, just pretending that I don’t need to know.
“It’s okay,” I say. “You don’t have to tell me.”
I do not need to know.
I do not want to know.
“We aren’t going to find the king tomorrow,” he says.
“I know.”
Please don’t say it.
Don’t say it.
Do not say it.
Silently, I wish for him to just keep his mouth shut and not say anything because the moment he does, everything is going to change. Suddenly, we’ll have to stop pretending that this is just some casual experience and we’ll have to admit that everything we’re doing is so very, very real. It’s going to have real consequences and there will be real feelings involved and I just...I don’t want to do that right not.
Not tonight.
Not when everything else we’ve done has been so perfect.
But Edward is who he is for a reason and there’s only so much self-control one man can really have on a day like today. He’s already given up so much today. He’s lost so much in his life and today, he’s lost more than any one man should ever have to say goodbye to.
Today, he’s lost a kingdom.
So when he tries once more to speak, I silence him with a kiss and I hope that it’s enough. I hope that this gesture of intimacy will distract him long enough that he’ll forget what he wants to tell me and that we can just keep pretending that this thing between us, whatever it is, will work itself out.
I don’t know how being mated works.
