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Like I’m nothing to them?
I’m a fucking person. I have feelings, and opinions, and thoughts. I don’t need to be treated like I’m not important or like I don’t matter. I don’t need any of that.
“I was fine,” I snap, and Benjamin instantly yanks my hair, pulling it back. Ouch. That seriously hurts! I don’t cry out, though. I won’t give him the satisfaction. There’s no way for me to fight back against this treatment. I can’t fight him. He’s much too big.
This just makes me angrier.
Why don’t I get to be the monster right now?
Why don’t I have any sort of strength?
Why don’t I get to have a say in anything at all?
I hate feeling this weakness, this vulnerability. It was bad enough when he was holding me in place. Now he’s talking about me like I don’t even exist, like I don’t even matter.
Benjamin follows suit. He doesn’t talk to me. He doesn’t look at me. He doesn’t pretend like he cares about my opinion.
Instead, he just holds my hair tightly in place and looks at Eli.
“She was fine,” he says. “Until now.”
I can’t see his face, but I can practically hear his disgust. Why does this guy hate me so much? I haven’t exactly done anything to him or to his people. Honestly, I was just sleeping and they tried to invade. I didn’t even tattle when I spotted them in the woods yesterday. If anything, this dude should be thanking me: not pulling my damn hair.
Eli looks at me carefully. For a minute, I think he’s going to tell Benjamin to release me, but he doesn’t. Instead, he leans very close so that his breath is on my ear. A shiver shoots through me. Why is he so close to me?
And why, oh why, does he smell so damn good?
“In our world, Tyana, good girls are rewarded, and bad girls are punished. Which one do you want to be?” The words come out rich and sultry. Does he mean for that to happen? I can’t tell. I’m not sure. I think he knows what he’s doing, though. I think he understands exactly how those words sound to me.
Instantly, my entire body feels like it’s on fire.
Good girls?
Bad girls?
Rewards and punishments?
Why does this sound so damn sexual?
And why do I like the way it sounds?
Unfortunately for me, my inner goody-two-shoes kicks in and I whisper the response that’s true to my heart. I don’t know if it’s true to my body, though. My brain and my body are suddenly fighting, arguing with one another, but I give him the answer I think is most true.
“I want to be a good girl,” I tell him.
It might only be partially true.
Right now, the idea of being punished seems almost as appealing as the idea of being rewarded, and these two sides are warring with one another. I can’t quite shake the feeling this revelation gives me. I’ve never really put much thought into sexual things. It’s not like I’ve had a lot of chances – or any chances, really – to be with people. The other citizens of Eagleton have always regarded me as something of an outcast.
Now, though, I want to know more.
I want to know what it feels like to be completely dominated by this man.
I want to know what sort of punishment it is that he’d give me.
Would it be something I would like?
Would it make me excited?
