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“What do you think the secret to a good relationship is?” I ask him. “Not monogamy,” I point out. “That doesn’t seem to be a big part of the club.”
“For some people, monogamy is important. For others, it isn’t. It’s not to me, but if you and I were to become serious, and you wanted a monogamous relationship, it wouldn’t be a problem.”
“Really? You’d give that up for me?”
He nods. “Although, to be fair, I’d ask you to ask least try having a threesome with me at least once. They’re pretty fun.”
“I bet they are.”
“They are,” he repeats. “But to answer your question, I think the most important aspect of a good relationship is trust. That goes hand-in-hand with good communication. So many people get divorced or break up because of issues with money or jealousy, but those problems could really be stopped if people would just be honest with each other.”
“But honesty requires a certain amount of vulnerability,” I point out. “And most people aren’t ready for that.”
“Exactly. The thing is, it takes a long time to build trust. With Domination and submission, that trust comes sooner because you’re in a situation where you have to trust your partner to stop when you use your safe word. Similarly, the Dominant partner has to trust the submissive to actually use the safe word.”
“What do you mean? Why wouldn’t someone use their safe word?”
“You’d be surprised,” Jaxson explains. “Some people think using a safe word means they’re weak. Some people think it means they’re frail. Safe words are designed to help couple communicate better, but some people don’t like to use them. If you can’t trust your partner to use their safe word, then you shouldn’t be playing with them.”
“When I’ve been in relationships in the past, communication was always part of the reason we broke up,” I admit. “I like the idea of honesty, but I think you also have to have a certain maturity to be able to handle that honesty. It’s not just about talking to your partner. It’s also about trusting them not to freak out when you tell them the truth.”
“You’re absolutely right.” Jaxson smiles and reaches for my hands. We hold hands on the table, and the feeling is incredible.
It’s been awhile since I’ve been on a real date, and although there’s nothing proper about the way I masturbated for him in the car, this feels better than any date in the past I can remember.
“A friend of mine came to me today asking about BDSM,” he tells me.
“Oh?” I raise an eyebrow. “You do seem to be quite the guru.”
“Her husband wanted to try some things, but she reacted poorly.”
“She freaked out?”
“She did. Like you said, communication goes both ways. In a strong relationship, you should be able to tell the other person what you want and what you need, but they should be able to receive those requests without taking them personally. For example, if I came to you and said I wanted to try tying you up, it wouldn’t necessarily mean I was unhappy with the sex we’ve been having. It just means I want to try something new or that I’m curious about what bondage is like.”
“Is that something you want to try with me?” I ask him. “I’ve never been tied up before.”
“Never?”
“Nope,” I shake my head. “Although, to be fair, I’ve also never talked about my sexual partners with guys I’ve dated. They’ve always been uncomfortable knowing about my history, so it never came up.”
“I’m happy to talk about my sexual and dating history with you,” he says. “For me, it’s part of building trust. I’ll open up with you, just as I know you will with me. I am curious, though, why you
haven’t experimented with kink before. You’re beautiful and you’re funny, and you seem to be pretty curious. Did any of your boyfriends ever want to tie you up, pretty girl?”
“One did,” I tell him.
“What happened?”
“We broke up instead.”
“Care to elaborate?”
“It was in college, and he was drunk at a party. One of his friends was talking about how much fun it was to tie his girlfriend up, and my boyfriend wanted to try it. He thought it sounded like just the best idea, but I wasn’t sure. He was drunk, and I hadn’t been drinking at all, and I was worried he’d tie me up and pass out or leave the room or accidentally hurt me.”
“Sounds like you were being smart.”
“He didn’t see it that way,” I shrug. It’s been a few years, but the sting of his rejection still hurts.
