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Even if, at times, Razer acted like he could be depended about, he blew it all away when he was late for the photoshoot and then up there on stage with that girl. I knew she meant nothing to him but he’d always flirt. He’d always have women throwing themselves at him, too.
Music pounded from outside my office. Upstairs, a band soundchecked and downstairs, Carlie played something loud and angry in the bar. I’d never be able to concentrate on work.
If I went through the thousands of rockers I'd met in my life, pretty much all of them fell into that category. Good for a one-night stand or a fling, if you were into that kind of thing, but they weren't boyfriend material.
Razer, he didn't have that smell. He was different from other musos. For a few brief moments, I’d thought maybe I could be with him and not lose myself.
But, no.
I couldn't think like that. That path led to destruction.
Anyway, he'd never look at me again. Not after the way I'd twisted his heart in my hands. I'd closed the door and locked it tight.
I was doing the right thing. The smart thing. My career and my life were on the line and I didn't believe that Razer had a part in that future.
So, why did it feel like the life was draining out of me? Pain suffocated me. I needed to get air but I didn't want to leave my office and face everyone. They'd be joking around and I'd have to plaster on a smile.
I wiped my eye. Damn it, I had some dust or something in it, making it water.
Someone knocked on my door.
"Go away," I called.
"It's only me," Carlie replied, opening the door and coming in. "I thought I'd knock. I saw Razer walking out of here like he'd been crushed so I didn't want to walk in on any emotional – shit, have you been crying?"
"Nope, just got something in my eye."
But Carlie looked at me like she didn't believe a word I was saying. She stared, in fact.
I shook my head.
"It's nothing. Maybe overwork and stress."
Carlie lit up a cigarette and sat on the sofa.
"Well, that'd sure be getting to you. Things just go from crazy to totally insane around here. Drew's decided he has some kind of weird tropical disease and thinks he's going to die. He's never even been to the tropics. Mark wants to get a Mohawk and has been asking me a million times if I think it'll suit him. Babs has been jumping down the throat of everyone who talks to her. Sometimes, I wish Chuck would just announce he's selling. At least we wouldn’t have the uncertainty. I think the anticipation of the worst is worse than the worst, if you know what I mean."
She ashed her cigarette.
"Are you sure you're okay?" she asked.
I nodded. I wasn't really in the mood for talking. The sunshine had gone from my world and I just wanted to be alone but Carlie just had to push things.
“You must’ve been pretty rough on Razer, the way he looked when he left here. He was shattered. What the hell did you do to him?”
“I told him he had no hope with me.”
Carlie laughed. Not a real laughter but a really sarcastic, dry laugh.
“Shit, Violet, you’re my friend and all but you are being a right bitch. You can’t be serious. You are running so cold and hot with that guy, he doesn’t know which way his head’s on.”
I folded my arms and glared at her. She could get out of my office if that’s how she was going to talk. That didn’t stop Carlie from snarling.
“Listen, I have no idea what shit is going on with you but you aren’t handling this well and from the look of your miserable face, it’s not what you want either. You’re being a dumb bitch, Violet.”
I had my reasons. Reasons Carlie didn’t know about. No one knew except Chuck and he’d never spilled the beans, surprisingly. I guess he couldn’t hold it over me if everyone knew.
I took a deep breath. Maybe it’d be good to tell someone. It was so hard to live with. If nothing else, it’d shut Carlie up for once and for all.
