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My jacket hung on the back of a chair. I put it on, but still shivered. I wanted to run but I had no way of leaving. Maybe I could get a cab, rather than face the consequences.
Well, that was my music career over in flash. Alex would never, ever look at me again. Even though I hated him and even though he’d betrayed me, that made me incredibly sad.
Alex
I’d lost her. I’d completely lost her.
No matter what lies I told myself, at the back of my mind I’d always clung to the thought that, at some point, Dee would forgive me. That we could have something. Not the frenzied sex she’d offered me but something real. She bought a lightness into my life that I’d never even known was missing. I wanted to redeem myself in her eyes but, instead, I’d sunk even deeper into the pits of her hatred. Sunk so low that I couldn’t see a way out.
From the start, I’d known it was wrong to include that song but I’d ignored all the sense in my head because I’d wanted other things more. The glittering gold temptation had lured me. I’d just had to reach out my hand to get the things I wanted but, in the process, I’d lost an important part of my soul.
For just a few minutes, as I played that song, I’d forgotten all else. The set had gone so great until then. Perfect. And “Fifteen Minutes” had been the closer. I’d leave this gig with a swag of new fans, all talking about how mind-blowing we’d been. I’d walk off stage a hero.
Instead, I walked off stage with my head down and a pang in my back. I’d fallen hard. For a moment, I’d been stunned. I’d been playing the chorus, basking in my own awesomeness, as waves of admiration came from the crowd. I was a God and they were in the palm of my hand.
The lights glared in my eyes like the glow of a future not so far out of my reach.
Then bam, I was flat on my back. Nothing registered except that mane of hair covering my face. The lights dimmed. The music stopped. A feedback screech cut through the air. The world had stopped to judge me, striking me down. Like a big lump of karma hit me smack on the back of the head.
Slowly, it came to me. It was Dee on top of me.
She’d knocked me to the ground. I scrambled to fix this. I’d thought I could grab my guitar and finish the song. I could save that much. But our set was over.
As the bouncer dragged her off, I struggled to my feet. The crowd went from shocked silence to thunderous screams. I had no idea why they screamed. For Dee? For me? Just for the pure pleasure of screaming?
There was absolutely no point continuing the song. It was done. It was all done. The only thing left to me was to leave the stage with as much dignity as possible.
“We ARE Zero,” I yelled into the mic. I gave a salute to the crowd and walked off.
Now what?
Wait for my career to crumble around my feet? Go home and get drunk?
I’d never get another chance like this one. It was all ruined, my life in ashes around my feet. I had to get out, leave it all behind me. Everyone was rushing around, preparing for Holden to get on stage. I could leave without anyone even knowing.
I headed to the green room to grab my stuff. I’d text Fabian to pack up my gear.
Fuck it all.
I smashed my fist into the wall. That made me feel better for an instant. Then realised I shouldn’t risk my hands. I’d grazed my knuckles and the wall had suffered no damage but it’d helped. Then I kicked the wall instead.
Soon, the guys would be back in here, wanting to dissect what had happened. I didn’t want to discuss it. I didn’t want to look on the bright side or make the best of it. I wanted to brood in my own silence.
A couple of staff members rushed past me as I walked out. It was show time for Holden. Everything would be swept away, forgotten, when he hit the stage. I’d only be remembered as a joke.
As I went down the corridor, a door opened. I didn’t really pay attention until I saw Dee come out. She looked like hell. She glanced up. It took her a moment to register who I was. Her eyes looked haunted and she almost spoke, her mouth opening, then closing again. She ran back into the room, slamming the door behind her.
In her eyes, I must be the most abhorrent person alive. She’d already shown that. I never wanted to see her again, no matter how much it hurt because, if she looked at me, it’d only be with that hatred.
Then it struck me.
Had this all been part of her revenge plan? She’d made no bones about wanting to make me suffer. I’d thought of her as so innocent, still just a kid, but she’d played me. She’d got me twisted up inside.
She couldn’t have planned to get the support spot though. Or could she? I’d told Holden to ask Sally – and Sally and Dee had become very chummy.
Maybe I was a sucker. I thought I’d been the one holding all the cards but the only card I held was the joker. I even doubted Pete. He’d been very fast to take my peace offerings.
My apartment was cold, so I pumped up the heat but,
