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“He acted within the bounds of what we agreed.” She clenched her fists, drawing all the dignity she could muster.
Lydia tugged on her collar. The girl should really try for something more fashionable.
No, softer tone.
Ursula sighed. “We had an agreement. There were never any promises between us. His goal was to be able to go to Europe. He’s achieved that. He always told me the truth and he never pretended—”
The catch was back. She swallowed over and over. Why would it not stay down? She ran her sash through her fingers.
“But he loves you.” Lydia was on her feet. “He does. He may not have said it in words, but he said it a million times in deeds—in glances—in between his words. He was—he is—in love.”
Rachel cleared her throat and tugged on Lydia’s sleeve. Lydia paid her no heed except to wriggle loose and hold her friend’s hand instead.
A ringing started in Ursula’s ears. So much pressure. Everything inside her body was tight.
“You love him too. You sit with him when he’s uneasy. He’s the first person you find in any room. You love each other. There’s no reason why you shouldn’t marry—well, other than the fact he’s a gentile, but you seem determined to marry one of them and your father is willing. What happened before—it isn’t as if his reputation is anything—besides, the money is still yours. That should count for something. I don’t understand. I don’t understand what’s happening and why he isn’t here. It just isn’t right.” Lydia’s confused words tumbled at breakneck speed.
Ursula dug her nails into her palms. Why did it all burn so much?
“Lydia.” Rachel’s voice was low but powerful.
Even Rose ceased brushing for a moment. The two exchanged glances and Lydia took a seat.
Silence hung in the air.
Good lord.
Did they want her to respond? How was she supposed to ever respond to anything? She twisted her fingers. No, she’d respond. She was still alive. No matter the pain, she wasn’t actually going to die.
Ursula sucked in a breath and straightened her spine. She’d been through worse, hadn’t she?
“Sometimes love isn’t enough, even without societal constraints. Jay isn’t able to marry anyone at this time.” She managed to say all the words without crying.
She gripped at the fabric of her robe. Rose had gone still, though she was still close enough that her breath tickled the back of Ursula’s neck.
“Perhaps I wasn’t intended to marry anyone either. If I don’t, there’ll be no husband to hold my stake in Nunes. I can always own the properties and the shares. I’ll be able to be the one on whom you all can rely when you have other responsibilities.” Blast. Did her voice just crack? She shoved the side of her hand over her mouth, pretending to yawn.
Ursula glanced around the room. The pity, the overwhelming pity. She sucked in her lips. The pity was going to kill her.
She’d not be pitied. She was fortunate, a great deal more fortunate than so many. Her father had given her such a gift. It was time to—well, time to be an adult. Be the adult. The ordeal had cost him enough already and she was young and healthy.
“We shall all endure.” Ursula strode over to the dresser and slipped her mother’s ruby bracelet on her own wrist, the one that she used to finger while sitting on her mother’s lap when she was little. She paused and returned to the box. There was an opal pendant, far too small and delicate for her taste. She removed it and presented it to her cousin. “I think this would look lovely on you.”
“Ursula.” Lydia was the one who spoke. “That’s lovely, but wasn’t that—”
She wagged a finger and brightened her voice. Peaches. She’d have a peach tartlet later, someone would make one. She found a small string of pearls and held them against Lydia’s skin.
“These go so well with your complexion,” she said.
Bright, generous, happy. People were like animals. She could take care of them. She may not have a partner anymore, but Jay’d still given her a great gift. He’d shown her things she’d not even known she wanted.
“Ursula.” Lydia grew quiet as she laid the necklace on her.
She blinked over and over. “Doesn’t that feel wonderful? Rose, fetch a mirror, we’ll do my hair and then the three of us can go shopping. As someone mentioned, I could use some new gowns. Perhaps in a new color. And then you two can introduce me to people, other women whose company you’d think I’d enjoy, that we can invite over next time I’m here.”
Yes, she could endure. She’d be fine.
Chapter Thirty
