AllFreeNovel
Share Us
David gulped. Ethan? Her first husband reminded her of her own brother? She closed her eyes, her head so near his that the tips of her lashes fluttered against his cheek.
“Not really. Not in personality. But they both had light hair and he was eighteen, like me, the age Simon had been when he left. Ethan was so happy and his family was like ours.”
“And you wanted to marry him?” The breath in David’s chest was like an ever expanding stone against his ribs.
“No. He was available.” Amalia drew back from him, leaving his skin empty without the connection to hers. “I wanted to be married. Badly.” Her shoulders sagged. “I missed Simon so much and, well, everything. Knowing what I was supposed to do and supposed to be and how life would go—I wanted that back. I wanted the life I’d been promised. The world in which I was supposed to live, where I understood the rules.”
He toed at the moss, each word a punch or stab or searing bullet hole in every single one of his vital organs. Because he was the exact opposite of what a younger Amalia would’ve envisioned.
A breeze rippled through the canopy, ruffling enough feathers that chirps became caws and squawks above them. He shivered, but Amalia didn’t move.
“Except, remember that story in Sunday school about Lot, when his wife turned back and changed into salt? And then Lot was stuck and couldn’t move, couldn’t go back, but also couldn’t move forward?” She let go of his hand and covered her face.
What should he do? What was appropriate? His heart lurched. It didn’t matter. What mattered was her. He scooted closer, rubbing her back.
“I never loved either of them. Barely knew them. I mean, with Ethan, we’d only met a few times before we married.” She shook her head. “But, after the war, we both wanted something normal.”
Tears drew tracks through the dust on Amalia’s cheeks. “Anyway, I woke one morning and he was gone. Left a note. Went out west for a while. Went to think, to figure things out. Without me.”
“What did you do?” he asked as he stroked her hair.
“I ran to Thad’s house because our parents were in England—Disraeli and all—and he told me about Indianapolis. And he—I didn’t know then, didn’t understand until later when I came across some documents—but he made sure I kept the house, the one on Delancey Street that was supposed to be...” She glanced up at David, her eyes red and smudged with soot and dirt and almost confused. “Simon’s.”
She moved her stone back and forth from hand to hand. “Until that moment I had no idea what the real cost of divorce was. I mean, I was never supposed to have one of the properties. None of us women were because once we marry, they become our husband’s. Most are in the trust, except a select few. Thad is to have the Centerville house and Ro’s eldest son gets grandpa Judah’s, but the Philadelphia one was to be Simon’s and, normally, it would’ve gone back to my parents, but he had a will. Cousin Rachel’s companion’s family is crawling with lawyers.”
Amalia finally glanced at him again and the almost-smile near broke him into pieces. “We were only able to protect it because I was lucky, I had lawyers and a family who helped. Most women aren’
t. Most women don’t have access to funds to even hire a lawyer. And I suppose you know what risks you take when there’s no civil marriage, when it’s only under Jewish law.”
But I wanted more.
She didn’t need to say it. It was there, beneath the words, clear as day. She still wanted more. Even if it wasn’t what she believed it would be at eighteen.
But he couldn’t give her more. That one moment, all those years ago when he’d almost convinced himself it could be different, he could be different...
He pulled her into his body and rocked her in his arms as she sobbed. The cicadas sang when she finally lifted her head again, the pink sky beyond them streaked with purple and navy. She reached up and wiped his cheek.
Wet too.
Amalia nudged his side with her hip. “Come on. We should find a cave for the night.”
“A hotel. We’re less than an hour’s walk from town.” He bumped her right back. “Good news, remember?”
She straightened her spine and shook her shoulders, before striding over to the crudely marked grave. Without a pause, Amalia brought her stone to her lips and laid it on Simon. He knelt and laid his beside hers, the edges touching.
I’m sorry, Simon. But I promise, I won’t let you down again. I’ll make it right.
Somehow. Because Amalia did deserve more. If only he could give it to her.
Rocking back on his feet, he rose and kissed the back of her hand, before leading her through the ghosts, towards a bed and a bath and hopefully, a way to sleep.
Chapter Twenty-One
The hotel room was warm, and comfortable, and Amalia finally got a good night’s sleep, before boarding the B & O bound for Wilmington. One couldn’t argue with David’s plan. Not one ounce of danger followed them on either the train or the cab from the station, only melancholy, as it would all be over soon.
The bris and accompanying party were that evening and afterwards he’d probably return to Philadelphia to reap his reward. And achieve his goal of running an entire office and be entirely too busy for her. Which was probably the best outcome.
Amalia glanced at David and sighed. Why couldn’t he see that he could be a real partner, marriage or not? He was afraid of more, so would always hold back. Which she could live with for a time, but forever?
