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Will and her brother thundered towards her, almost running down the butler.
“Do you?” It was Meg who asked the question. “Why is it your job when he’s the one running around refusing to listen?” She rubbed Amalia’s shoulder. “I mean neither of you are particularly good at communicating, but he’s really a...what word does he use? Shmuck?”
Thad snickered a little, but her chest still tightened.
“Meg?” Will cocked his head at the scene, the two of them on the ground.
“No, Will, I’m serious.” She waved him off. “Amalia did nothing wrong. And neither did her parents. He made her no promises, kept putting off speaking with her on the matter, made everything about him and his duties and his pain and his timeline and then jumped to conclusions, and refused to even listen to a word she said.”
Amalia opened her mouth and closed it. Because yes, put like that, it was all true. But why did it still hurt so much?
Meg eased her around so they could face each other. She put her hands on Amalia’s cheeks, forcing her to focus. “What do you want?”
“What?” she asked. What did Meg mean? She wanted a lot of things, but they weren’t important since they weren’t possible and even if they had been at one point, she’d made so many mistakes...
Fingers snapped in Amalia’s face. “If you could draw it up, what would you like your life to look like?”
“I want to be with David. I want him to be part of my family. I want him to be at the table for every holiday and to sit with me at night and celebrate good things and commiserate over the bad. I want to laugh with him and have him challenge me, push me, and be able to do the same for him.” She didn’t even have to think about it. That all she ever wanted. No matter what you wanted to call it. And with David. Not anyone else she’d ever met.
The problem was that it wasn’t possible, at least not truly, so she’d have to figure out a way to have at least part of it. Meet him somewhere in the middle. After all, he’d been through so much. She shook her head. “I want to be married to David. I know it’s selfish to demand the commitment and the risk—”
“Stop it.” Meg’s voice was harsh. “You’re permitted to want it.” She placed her hands on her hips. “I’d pretty much do anything for it, even if it’s only a piece of paper that can be undone by some of your fancy lawyers. It’s important to me and I’d give up a lot of things for it. With the person I want.”
Amalia glanced at Will’s face and her heart squeezed. How unfair was life? At that very moment, a congressman from Missouri was pushing a constitutional amendment to prevent two people who would give anything to be married from having that right. But she could blithely marry and divorce over and over without truly appreciating how lucky she was.
And David could denigrate it, criticize it, refuse to consider it, not out of real objection, but because of his own insecurity. His own fear of failure.
Or maybe that was too harsh. Maybe it was too hard for him. After all, he’d lived through and sacrificed so much for the good...
She swallowed. “But it feels wrong to demand it. Because maybe it isn’t him, it’s me. Maybe I’m just not enough.”
“If you’re not enough, make him admit it, make him tell it to your face. You’re owed that much. You aren’t forcing him into anything, you’re just asking for what’s fair.” Meg brushed a strand of hair off Amalia’s face. “No one’s perfect and there’s no one way to build a life, but demanding what you want, not settling for something that will make you unhappy, that’s not selfish.”
“And you should know where you stand,” Thad added. “You shouldn’t have to guess. And if he can’t see that you’re worth a million risks, well, I’m sure whatever insults our parents hurled are apt
.”
“But if he tells me that he doesn’t love me like that...” A sob lodged in her throat.
“It’ll hurt. But you’ll heal.” Meg stroked her injured shoulder. “Just like this will heal and your hand will heal. But now, you’re just letting things fester, get infected.” She handed Amalia a handkerchief. “Besides, you already tried pretending in two marriages. How did that work out?”
Amalia blew her nose and gave a harsh laugh. “Not well.”
“So don’t accept less this time.” Meg stroked her hair again. “Even if you love him. Don’t be the only one who gives. It’ll destroy you both.” Meg glared. “And if he can’t be made to see that and respect you enough to have a real, honest conversation, well...”
“Just like Thad said, he’s not worth it.” Will folded his arms.
Thad ran a hand through his hair, his pose so much like their father’s. “You’ll survive it and him. You’re a Truitt after all.”
She managed to give a small head-bob of assent. Meg was right. They were all right. Even if asking for it was painful or cost her the little she had. Because there could be no halfways. And if that meant losing him completely, well, so be it.
“I have my column and my charity.” Her voice cracked a little.
“You do.” Meg patted her cheek. “You created those, yourself. No one can take that away from you. And anyone who doesn’t want to be a part of that, well, it’s their loss. Make yourself happy. ‘Tea instead of hot water, meat instead of beans’ and all that rot.”
She giggled. “You actually listen to me.”
“When you say something smart.” Meg helped her to her feet. “You just need to listen to yourself.”
