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I had a love no one else did. I could never throw that away. I could never walk away and hope to find a man who could hold a candle to this one. So that left me with one choice. “If that’s how you really feel, I want you to do something for me.”
“Anything.” He leaned forward, his arms resting on the table, his plate of cold food in front of him.
“Release the girls.”
Slowly, his eyes turned angry, walking right into the trap I’d laid.
“I need you to do this.”
“My answer will not change, chérie.” He kept his voice low, but his anger was audible.
“Yes, it will.”
He clenched his jaw and shook his head.
“You can still run that camp. Just do it differently—”
“Don’t tell me how to run my business.”
“It’s not a business. It’s slavery.” Even though he kept his voice low and calm, I didn’t. My words came out harsh and a little hysterical.
He clenched his jaw again. “I just got home. Really don’t want to do this right now.”
“I never want to do this. But I have to, Fender.”
He licked his bottom lip before he chewed on the inside of his cheek, his eyes dropping to his plate. It was a testament to our relationship that he didn’t scream and flip the table over. He was calm, as calm as he could possibly be.
“You said you want to have a family?”
His eyes immediately darted back to mine.
“Sons…daughters…?”
“Yes.”
“Why?”
His eyes narrowed. “I must continue the family line.”
“You have Magnus.”
“He’s not a count. I am.”
“It’s still your family line. And that’s not the reason.”
His arms flexed on the table, as if I’d just entered dangerous territory.
“You want to have a family to replace what you lost. You love me, and you want to grow that love into little people. You want this big house to be filled with happiness and laughter.” I knew Fender’s heart. I knew his desire to have a family had nothing to do with his lineage.
He didn’t refute the assumption.
“You’re going to go to the camp every couple weeks and then come home like nothing happened? What will you do when your daughter finds out what you do to other women? Can you live with that?”
Dead silence.
“Fender—”
“Whether I stop tomorrow or never stop, the blood is still on my hands. I can’t be redeemed. I can’t be forgiven. So, it makes no difference. I did what I had to do to survive, and no, I have no regrets about that. I accept the consequences of my actions when I’m forced to face them, whether that’s in this life or the next.”
I shook my head. “I think you can be redeemed—”
“There’s no coming back after that. There is no justification I can possibly make to support my actions. I knew what I was doing when I did it. I wasn’t under duress. I wasn’t confused. I only cared about getting what I wanted to the exclusion of everything else. I don’t deserve to be forgiven. Not now. Not ever. So, there is literally no point in stopping my actions now. When I get to the pearly gates, I will go down below for eternity. Nothing I do will change that now.”
My eyes started to water, imagining his fate, even if he deserved it. “I can’t go to heaven without you.”
He dropped his gaze.
“So, you have to try.”
He kept his eyes on his plate.
“You can’t change the past. But you can change the future. You can save so many people…”
“This conversation is over.” He lifted his chin and looked at me, his eyes cold and lifeless.
“It’s not over. Do this for me—”
“No.”
“Fender—”
His voice grew louder. “The same blood that ran in my father’s veins runs in mine. I’m evil—down to the bone. There is no hope for me.”
Tears splashed down my cheeks. “That’s not true—”
“Don’t make me leave. Because despite how furious I am right now, I still want to stay with you. I never want to march out of here and leave you alone. I never want to abandon you again. So, drop it now—so I can stay.”
Twenty-Four
It’s Just Business
Fender
She was on my chest, her arm tucked around my waist, her leg on top of my thigh.
I held her against me, one arm around the deep curve in her back with my hand on her stomach. My fingertips grazed her shoulder lightly, feeling the skin that felt identical to the rose petals that had been on the bed the night I’d asked her to marry me.
Conversations were nonexistent. We spent time apart. But we came together every night and loved each other like there was nothing wedged between us. She still wore her ring. She was still mine.
I would always be hers.
Loving Chérie was like living with my heart outside my body.
It was always vulnerable. It always ached.
I kissed her before I slid out of bed.
