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She slips her fingers into my palm and I curl them around hers and squeeze.
“I don’t talk about this much because it makes me emotional.” She takes a deep breath before she continues, “When I miscarried, I had to divulge that I’d had a baby before. I hadn’t told Gordon that I was Ryan’s biological mother.”
“Why not? You didn’t think he would understand?”
“So many reasons, but I think most of it stems from guilt. The not being able to raise Ryan the way I wanted to. And I guess that secrecy tells me more about that relationship than I’d ever been willing to admit. At least while I was still in it.” She’s quiet for a moment. “Gordon felt . . . betrayed. Which made sense. We’d been married for fifteen years, and it was a big secret to keep from the person you share your life with. When he found out that Ryan was actually my son, he didn’t handle it well. And I was grieving the loss of our baby. He sat on that information for a couple of years, but when I told him I wasn’t happy in our marriage and thought we should separate, he told Ryan the truth, and well, there was no way for our marriage to recover after that.”
After everything Hanna has been through and the ways she’s been let down and betrayed, I’m surprised she’s even willing to talk to me this morning. “That must have been hard for you.”
“Harder for Ryan. I always knew I was his mother, and he always believed I was his sister. It threw his world into upheaval.”
“Why didn’t you ever tell Ryan before that?” That’s one thing I’ve always wondered but never felt I had the right to ask.
“When I was young, I thought it made sense for my parents to take on that role. I didn’t want to give him up for adoption, but raising a child when I was fifteen was so daunting. So when my parents said they would adopt him, I thought it would be best for Ryan. For all of us. He’d still be in my life. But as he got older, things changed. I never moved away for college. I was there for every milestone. And when he made it to the NHL, well, I was so proud.” She smiles, like she’s caught up in the memory.
“By the time I was in my thirties, I started to look at things differently. And I talked to my parents about maybe telling him the truth. But he’d just started his career, and they were worried it would do too much damage. They’d made sure he would have everything he needed to be successful in life, and I didn’t want to be selfish. So I didn’t tell him.”
“That selflessness came at a pretty steep price for you.” She must have felt handcuffed by that choice. Stuck between two roles.
“And I would pay it a thousand times over knowing that Ryan is where he is because he was loved and cared for. He’s a great man, and he has a great partner. I have so much hope for Ryan and Queenie.”
“So do I.” And I mean it. He’s the balance Queenie needs. He’s her anchor, and she’s his buoy.
“I really don’t want this to strain their relationship.” Hanna motions between us.
“Are you worried it will?” King always seems to be able to roll with things.
“Our lives are completely intertwined now, on so many different levels. We’re their parents, and now we have this unexpected baby on the way. It’s a complex and delicate situation. What exactly are we going to tell them?”
I brush a few stray hairs away from her face, and I am relieved when she leans into the touch instead of shying away. “We tell them the truth. That we share an attraction. That we acted on it and you’re pregnant.”
“You make it sound so simple.”
I wish that it were. “With a situation like this, I think simple is best. We tell them that you’re planning to see a doctor when you get back to Tennessee and that we’re going to go from there. I know we can’t predict the future, Hanna, but we’ll find a way to make it work.” I take her other hand in mine. “Now I have an important question for you.”
“Okay.” She’s still guarded and uncertain.
“Can I give you a hug?”
She covers her mouth with her hand and nods.
This is what I should have done yesterday. I stand and pull her up with me so I can wrap my arms around her. “We’ll figure it out, Hanna.”
“Thank you,” she murmurs into my chest.
“For what?”
“Being you.”
CHAPTER TWELVE
I Didn’t See That Coming
Jake
IT’S ONLY SEVEN-thirty in the morning, and considering the late hour the kids came in, I don’t expect they’ll be up anytime soon. Since both Hanna and I are woefully underslept, she suggests a pre-conversation nap. I assume I’ll be taking mine on the living room couch, or in one of the spare rooms upstairs, but she pats the space beside her and we both pass out.
