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“I don’t know exactly.” She smooths the napkin out again. “I think I’m just worried about Ryan’s reaction to finding out that we’re having a boy.”
“Why do you think the gender would matter to him?” I want to understand her thought process here.
“I don’t think it would be conscious on his part. But having another boy…the parallels might be difficult. I know that as excited as I am for this, I also feel…some guilt, I guess? Because I can take care of this child in a way I couldn’t with Ryan. And if I’m feeling that way, then how is he feeling? And will he even recognize those feelings, and if he does, will he be able to share them with me?”
I lean over and press a kiss to her temple. It’s becoming my default move and a way to show her affection. “Would it be better if we called them separately, so you two can talk privately?”
She taps her lip, contemplating for a few seconds. “I don’t think so?” It’s more question than statement. “I’d rather tell them together if that’s okay with you. That way he has Queenie as a buffer, and hopefully her excitement will help him process. Then he and I can have a conversation later, after he’s had time to digest it.”
“Okay, whatever you think is going to be best.” This is a hard line to toe; wanting to protect her and understanding there are more variables than just us and how we’re going to deal with the way this unfolds.
I message Queenie and ask if they’re both home and if they have time for a quick call.
Queenie FaceTimes me right away and I move my chair so both Hanna and I fit in the small screen. Hanna has this little stand she puts the phone on and adjusts it so they’re not looking into our nostrils.
“I want to know everything! How did it go?” Queenie’s sitting in the middle of the couch, legs crossed. Her hair is pulled up into a loose ponytail and she’s wearing a shirt dotted with paint splatters. Her fingernails hold traces of pink and blue paint.
“Good. It went well. Where’s Ryan?” Hanna asks.
Queenie cups her hands around her mouth and shouts, “King, get your ass in the living room. Hanna and Dad are on the phone!” She turns her attention back to us and rolls her eyes. “Sorry. He literally walked in the door thirty seconds ago. You know how he is post workout. Needs to carb load like he hasn’t eaten in a month.”
“Just give me a sec,” he calls out.
“Did you get to hear the heartbeat? Is everything okay with the baby?”
Hanna’s hand slips below the table and comes to rest on my leg. I turn to make sure she’s okay and Queenie sighs.
“You two are so freaking cute I can’t even stand it.”
King’s legs appear and the sound of a plate and cutlery hitting the table close by filters through the device. A second later, his mammoth frame fills the other half of the screen. He stretches his arm across the back of the couch. His gaze shifts between the two of us and he smiles, but it looks strained. “Everything go okay this morning?” His fingers wrap around Queenie’s shoulder and he pulls her into his side.
“Everything went well. I’m just over fourteen weeks and due at the beginning of March,” Hanna says.
“Oooh! A water sign baby!” Queenie claps. “This is so exciting!”
“And the baby is healthy?” King asks.
“Yup. The initial blood tests came back negative for abnormalities, which is a relief. There will be more tests in a few weeks, but so far so good.”
“That’s good. And you’re healthy?” King’s thumb rubs back and forth over Queenie’s shoulder. He has yet to make eye contact with me.
“The doctor is going to watch Hanna’s blood pressure because it’s high, but otherwise she’s doing great,” I say.
His gaze flicks to me and then back to Hanna. “High blood pressure? Is that dangerous? Has that ever been a problem for you before?”
Hanna shakes her head. “It’s usually right around normal. Sometimes it happens in pregnancies over forty, but I have appointments scheduled every two weeks with my doctor to keep a close eye on things.”
“Okay. That’s good then.” His tongue slides over the chip in his front tooth. “Have you told Mom and Dad yet?”
Hanna’s fingers flex on my thigh and she shakes her head. She smiles, but it wavers a little. “Not yet. I wanted to wait until after the ultrasound.”
“Did you get ultrasound pictures? What about a video? Did you find out the sex? Are King and I going to have a little sister or a brother?” Queenie jokes about having a mutual half-sibling. I think it might be her way of trying to normalize this very strange situation we’ve all found ourselves in.
