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Slytherin4ever: Nope. No details. Sorry. Just…be grateful for what you have. And never take any of it, or anyone, for granted, despite whether or not they were planned. That’s all I’m gonna say.
There it is. The guilt. And the truth. All wrapped into one message.
We were going to have kids together. We’d talked about it more times than I can count, which would be weird as hell for a couple of teenagers if it weren’t for the connection Saylor and I shared.
We’d planned out our entire lives.
Then I screwed it all up and said goodbye before any of it could come to fruition.
She’s hurting because I have a little boy I adore while effectively throwing our plans in her face every time she sees Grady and me together. And she has…nothing.
This is all my fault.
Unable to help myself, I type it as fast as my fingers can fly.
OD: Let me tell you a story. I knew a girl once who found out when she was in high school that she couldn’t have kids. She was my girlfriend’s little sister. I watched her say goodbye to her future before it ever had a chance to begin. When I found out my son’s mom was pregnant, I couldn’t even be mad, even though she’d tricked me into knocking her up. Because it was a miracle. And I promised to never take a miracle for granted. Whether or not it was a convenient miracle is questionable, lol, but he’s still a miracle. Ever since I held him in my arms for the first time, I wanted to do better. I NEEDED to do better. But I’ll never take a single moment with him for granted, even though he turned my world upside down. Sometimes life doesn’t go according to plan, but that might be because we can’t always see the full picture. If I hadn’t ma
de the biggest mistake of my life and left my ex to move across the country, I never would’ve gotten a random girl pregnant, and therefore, I never would’ve had my son. And you’re right. I will NEVER take him for granted. But I’d give anything to go back and right the wrongs I made before him. I can tell you from personal experience that whoever hurt you, whoever might’ve prevented you from reaching your dreams of whatever dream you had within your grasp before it was ripped away…they’re sorry. I guarantee they’d take it back if they could. I hope that one day, you’ll look back and realize you ended up exactly where you needed to be to receive your own miracle. But one thing is certain. You deserve the world on a silver platter, Slytherin4ever. If I could give it to you, I would in a heartbeat.
As soon as I press send, a wave of anxiety pulses through me. Not only because it was the longest message I’ve ever written, but because it might’ve held too much truth, and it might make her question where my loyalty lies––with Saylor, or with Slytherin4ever.
Slytherin4ever: We can’t erase our pasts, Owen.
Her response makes me pause. Did she read anything I just wrote? I don’t want to erase our pasts. I want to use them to build a future together. But that means she needs to forgive me, and that feels impossible.
OD: Trust me, I know. But that doesn’t mean I can’t try to fix it and make it better.
Slytherin4ever: Why?
OD: Because Saylor’s it for me.
Slytherin4ever: I thought we weren’t talking specifics.
OD: I guess it just slipped out.
Slytherin4ever: Don’t let it happen again.
OD: Why not?
Slytherin4ever: Because you hurt her, and you can’t change your pasts.
Why not? I want to scream.
Why can’t we at least let go of our pasts since we can’t change them? I want to shake her. I want to make her understand how sorry I am, how desperate I am to fix what I broke. But she won’t let me.
Why won’t she let me?
Frustrated, I try a different tactic while praying she’ll understand.
OD: You like football, right?
Slytherin4ever: What does that have to do with changing our pasts? Or…you changing your past with the girl that got away.
OD: Just answer the question.
Slytherin4ever: I used to love it.
OD: Used to?
