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I take a quiet step forward. “Jordan, I’m really sorry. I don’t know what I was thinking.”
“Just go.”
“You should’ve called me,” I tell her, taking another step forward. “I would’ve been here in a heartbeat. I’m sorry. I just—”
But she suddenly whips around, glaring at me. “You know the thing about men?” she asks, wiping her eyes with a hardness to her jaw. “They think they can treat you badly, because you’ll take it. But you win when you never let them do it again.” She steps up to me, adding, “You can kiss my ass.”
And then she swings around me and leaves the room.
I deflate. I want to follow her. I want to set the record straight and let her know that I was wrong. I want to have it out and make it right, but…
I don’t know.
This is the second time we’ve argued, and both times it was my fault. We shouldn’t be fighting. It’s what a woman does with her boyfriend, not his father.
And that’s what I am. Her boyfriend’s father.
Nothing more.
But deep in my heart, the small ember growing bigger and bigger every day knows that’s a lie.
It is more. I didn’t lose my temper for Cole’s sake. It was for mine.
She’s become important, and for the first time in a long time, I found myself actually enjoying talking to someone. I started to let my guard down.
She feels good to have around.
And I just sent her packing.
Jordan
Shel tries to send me home early into my double-shift, but after the episode with Pike, the last place I can be right now is in his house. I have nowhere else to go, not to mention I need the money.
How could he do that this morning? Barge into my work like he knows anything? I don’t belong to him.
And if he has a concern, why can’t he convey it nicely? Not every lie is meant to hurt someone. I was covering Cole’s ass.
Yes, I understand suspicions. I get it. He doesn’t know me well, and he’s concerned for his son, but how can both Lawson men suck so badly at mature, adult conversation?
I rub my eyes, my mind drifting back to the moment he told me he wouldn’t support someone like that and to get out of his goddamn house. In that moment, I felt unwelcome. Again. Unwelcome somewhere else. By someone else. I felt like a burden. Like I did with my parents, and even with Cole and Cam sometimes.
Why do I always let myself feel like I don’t deserve better? I thought he was nice. I thought we were friendly, and I started to relax.
I groan, trying to keep the tears at bay. I hate that I cried in front of him.
I work until the night shift arrives at six and stay long enough to eat the other half of my sandwich from lunch as my dinner, pocket my tips, and count out my drawer before slipping on my sweatshirt and grabbing my bag. I haven’t showered in over twenty-four hours, and a headache presses between my eyes from lack of sleep. I just want to sit under a hot shower and drown out everything else.
My stomach sinks a little, remembering I have nowhere to go to take that shower. I’m not taking a damn thing from Pike Lawson ever again. Not to mention I’m still pissed at Cole. He texted to make sure I was okay and to apologize again, but I didn’t text back.
I wave bye to Shel and the other girls and leave the bar, stepping out into the welcome evening air. The sun has set, but there’s still some light as I strap on my backpack and head left, down the street.
I need my own place. My own and no one else’s. I need my own home that’s all me where I can feel like me and never be pushed out or crowded or unwelcome. Where I feel safe.
And that means I need money.
Without thinking, my legs carry me forward down Cornell Street and over to Lambert, the sky growing darker and the lightning bugs glowing in the trees above. The traffic has lessened, but it gets heavier over the next hour as I trail farther and farther toward the outside of town. Houses line the streets, as well as a few corner shops and gas stations, but there’s less light out here, so I stick to the sidewalk and the welcome porch lights to the left and right.
After less than an hour, I see the lights from The Hook up ahead and the steadily growing parking lot full of cars. I’ve been here before, but I hate walking into a busy place in day-old clothes with hair that smells lik
