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Mooner sipped his drink. “Elwood was making a good living, saving up to go to college, when he lost his business license. Damn shame. Damn shame.”
Elwood gave a small smile. “I didn't actually have a business license,” he said.
“You're lucky you know Steph, here,” Mooner said. “I don't know what Dougie and me'd do without Steph. Lotta bounty hunters would just drag your bony ass back to jail, but Steph here—”
Elwood looked like someone just hit him with a cattle prod. “Bounty hunter!”
“The best there is,” Mooner said.
I leaned forward so I could keep my voice low, and still have Elwood hear me. “Maybe it would be best if we went outside where we could talk.”
Elwood backed away. “No! I'm not going! Leave me alone.”
I moved to cuff him, but he slapped my hand away.
Lula reached out with her stun gun, Elwood ducked behind the Mooner, and the Mooner went down like a house of cards.
“Oops,” Lula said, “think I got the wrong little Trekkie.”
“You killed him!” Elwood shrieked.
“Time out,” Lula said. “Don't you go yellin' in my ear like that.”
I caught one of his hands and slapped the bracelet on him.
“You killed him. You shot him,” Elwood said.
Lula was hands on hips. “Did you hear a gunshot? I don't think so. I don't even have a gun, because Ms. Antiviolence here made me leave my gun in the car. Good thing, too, or I might shoot you just because you're such an annoying little cockroach.”
I was still trying to get the other hand in a cuff, and people were pressing in on us. “What's going on?” they wanted to know. “What are you doing to Captain Kirk?”
“We're haulin' his worthless white ass off to the clink,” Lula said. “Step back.”
In my peripheral vision I caught something fly by and hit Lula on the side of her head.
“Hey!” Lula said. “What's going on?” She put her hand to her head. “This here's one of them smelly cheese ball hors d'oeuvres. Who's throwing cheese balls?”
“Free Captain Kirk,” someone yelled.
“The hell we will,” Lula said.
Whap! Lula took it in the forehead with a crab puff.
“Now just a minute,” she said.
Whap. Whap. Whap. Egg rolls.
The entire room chanted in unison, “Free Captain Kirk. Free Captain Kirk.”
“I'm getting out of here,” Lula said. “These people are nuts. They been beamed up one time too many.”
I yanked Elwood forward, toward the door, getting nailed with a splotch of hot sauce for the egg rolls, plus a couple cheese balls.
“Get them!” someone yelled. “They're kidnapping Captain Kirk.”
Lula and I ducked our heads and fought our way through a barrage of hijacked hors d'oeuvres and ugly threats. We reached the front door and bolted outside, hitting the pavement at a run, half dragging Elwood behind us. We threw him into the backseat, and I put the gas pedal to the floor. Any other car would have rocketed away, but the Buick purposefully eased out of its berth and muscled its way down the street.
“You know, when you think about it, those Trekkies were a bunch of pussies,” Lula said. “If this had happened in my neighborhood, those cheese balls would have had bullets in them.”
