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'Valerie talks baby talk to the baby?'
'No, she talks it to Kloughn. I don't like to make judgments on people, but after a couple hours of listening to “honey pie smoochie bear cuddle umpkins” I'm ready to smack someone.'
Okay, so I was glad I'd never been there when Valerie called
Kloughn cuddle umpkins because I would have wanted to smack someone, too. And my self-restraint isn't as well honed as
Grandma's.
'It's too early to go to the viewing,' I said to Grandma. 'I guess I could stop in on Sally Sweet. He turned up Failure To Appear today on an assault charge.'
'No kidding? I remember him. He was a nice young man.
Sometimes he was a nice young woman. He had a plaid skirt I always admired.'
I pulled out of the lot, right-turned onto North Clinton, and followed the road for almost a quarter mile. At one time in
Trenton's history this was a thriving industrial area. The industry had all vacated or drastically downsized and the rotting carcasses of factories and warehouses produced an ambience similar to what you might find in postwar Bosnia.
I left Clinton and wove my way through a neighborhood of small bleak single-story row houses. Originally designed to contain the factory workers, the row houses were now occupied by hardworking people who lived one step above welfare... plus there were a few oddballs like Sally Sweet.
I found Fenton and parked in front of Sweets house. 'Wait in the car until I find out what's going on,' I said to Grandma.
'Sure,' Grandma said, her hands gripping her purse in excited anticipation, her eyes glued to Sweet's front door. The Buick was a car designed for a man, and Grandma seemed swallowed up by the monster. Her feet barely touched the floor, her face was barely visible over the dash. A timid woman might feel overwhelmed by
Big Blue. Grandma was a little shrunken, but she wasn't timid, and there wasn't a whole lot that overwhelmed Grandma. Thirty seconds after Grandma agreed to wait in the car, she was on the sidewalk, following me to Sweets front door.
1 thought you were going to wait in the car?' I said.
'I changed my mind. I thought you might need help.'
'Okay, but let me do the talking. I don't want to alarm him.'
'Sure,' Grandma said.
I knocked on Sweets front door, and the door opened on the third knock. Sally Sweet looked out at me, recognition kicked in, and his face creased into a grin. 'Long time no see,' he said. 'What brings you to my casa?'
'We're here to drag your behind back to jail,' Grandma said.
'Fuck,' Sally said. And he slammed the door shut.
'What was that?' I asked Grandma.
'I don't know. It just popped out.'
I gave another rap on the door, 'Open the door,' I said. 'I just want to talk to you.'
Sally cracked the door and peeked at me. 'I can't go to jail. I'll lose my job.'
'Maybe I can help.'
The door opened wide, Sally stepped to the side to allow us entry, and I gave Grandma a warning glare.
'My mouth is zipped,' she said, making a zipping gesture. 'And look, I'm locking the zipper and throwing away the key. See me throw away the key?'
Sally and I stared at Grandma.
'Mmmmf, mmmf, mmf,' Grandma said.
