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“Maybe you’re a leprechaun.”
“It doesn’t say leprechaun on my driver’s license.”
“Well, if anyone would know, it would be the DMV.”
“Okay, let’s do it,” Diesel said. “This is how it’s going to go down. Stephanie stays here, so we have someone to float bail if we all get arrested. Snuggy stays glued to my side until I get the communications scrambled. And Lula creates chaos, so Snuggy and I can get behind the desk.”
“I get it,” Lula said. “You want me to dump the bucket.”
“Exactly,” Diesel said. “Make sure all eyes are on you.”
Lula shrugged out of the black jacket and handed it over. “Leave it to me. You have to be dead not to be looking at me do this. I’m gonna be the Queen of Chaos.”
Lula minced up to the desk in her stiletto heels and skintight gold-?sequined supermodel outfit. The skirt was three inches below her ass, and her boobs moved like Jell-?o barely held in place by the bustier. She held the bucket of change at arm’s length in front of her, not wanting to distract from her natural assets.
“Yoohoo!” she called to one of the men behind the registration desk. “I’m almost a supermodel, and I’ve got a bucket full of money. I’m thinking I might need some help protecting all this money. I’m thinking... whoops!” Lula stumbled, jerked the bucket, and the money shot out in all directions. “My money!” Lula shrieked.
Lula bent to retrieve her money, and her left boob fell out of the top and her skirt rode up past the full moon. She was wearing a matching gold thong, but most of the thong was lost in deep space. The entire hotel and casino gasped. It was as if all the air instantly got sucked in and, seconds later, got spewed out. Four guards rushed to the scene, and all six men behind the registration desk were mouths agape, eyes glued to Lula.
Lula stood and pushed her boob back into the top of her dress and pulled her skirt down. Then she bent in another direction to get her money, and the boob fell out again, and the dress rode up. People were scrambling around her, trying to scoop up the change and return it to the bucket without unduly sticking their noses in Lula’s business. And Lula kept spilling the money out of the bucket and bending over.
“My word,” Lula exclaimed. “Mercy me! Lordy, Lordy, Lordy.”
Diesel and Snuggy disappeared behind the door that led to the elevator, and Lula continued to create chaos. She was finally stopped by an assistant manager, who grabbed the bucket. Most of the change was returned to the bucket, and the manager asked Lula if she would like the change converted into paper money or Daffy Dollars.
“Do you think I should?” Lula asked him. “What would you do? Maybe I should just take this and keep playing. I think I’m hot. Don’t I look hot?” Lula looked over at me. “What do you think I should do?”
I was watching the door behind the desk. Fifteen minutes had passed. Briggs had returned in ten when he got Diesel’s poker stake.
“I think you should put it back in the machine,” I said. “And save some for parking meters.”
The door opened and Diesel ambled out. He was stopped by one of the registration people. He swayed a little and smiled. Snatches of conversation carried across the floor.
“Lookin’ for the can,” Diesel said. “They said it was in there, but I couldn’t find it. There should be signs, right? How’re people supposed to know?”
“Public restrooms are across the lobby,” Diesel was told.
“Okay,” Diesel said, and he wandered toward me, a little unsteady on his feet. He reached Lula, and the door behind the desk banged open, and Snuggy came flying out. Snuggy was moving so fast his legs were a green blur. The guard chasing after him was slow by comparison, overweight and breathing hard.
Diesel bumped into Lula and knocked the bucket out of her hands. For the second time, people scurried for the money like roaches on pie. The guard pulled up, unsure of Snuggy’s direction, craning his neck, attempting to see around the gathering crowd.
“I’ll give ya ten dollars to do me in the lot,” Diesel said to Lula.
“I’m there,” Lula said. “Excuse me,” she said to the manager. “I got business.”
We all power walked through the casino and broke into a run when we reached the lot. Snuggy was already in the RV with the engine cranked over when we tumbled in.
“Go,” Diesel said to Snuggy. “And don’t look back.”
A half hour later, we were on the Garden State Parkway heading for Trenton, and my heart rate was almost normal.
“What the heck was that back there?” Lula wanted to know.
Diesel was sprawled on the couch. “I was able to scramble the feed, but just to be safe I went down in the elevator with Mr. Sneaky. What happened after that is classic Snuggy O’Connor.
“The elevator doors opened, Snuggy zipped out and went straight to the guard at the desk and started thumbing through the guy’s logbook, looking for the box number. “What the hell do you think you’re doing?”the guard says. “And where did you come from? Where’s your ID?”So Snuggy says, “You can’t see me. I’m a leprechaun.”
“I could have sworn I disappeared,” Snuggy said, concentrating, keeping his eyes on the road while he drove.
