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I wandered around, checking out the kitchen with its professional-level appliances, marble countertops and splash plates, warming ovens and wine cooler. I thought it would be nice to have a kitchen like this, although most of it would go unused. All I actually needed was a butter knife, a loaf of white bread, and a jar of peanut butter. And can you fill a wine cooler with Bud Light?
The upstairs master bath had a crystal chandelier and a bidet. I knew the purpose for the bidet, because I had seen Crocodile Dundee about a hundred times, but I wasn’t sure how one actually used a bidet. I mean, does it shoot water up your cooter or do you splash it around? And I thought I might have issues with the crystal chandelier. I wasn’t sure I could do number two in a room with a crystal chandelier.
I’d looked at the list, so I knew what had been taken and what had been left. There was a safe in the master bedroom, but it hadn’t been touched. Madame’s jewelry had been easy access in a jewelry case on display in her walk-in closet. A couple thousand in twenties had been left on the dresser. All this stuff was gone. Plus two laptop computers from the home office, and a Patek Philippe man’s watch.
I wandered around in the house for a half hour while the police did their thing, and Ranger did his thing, and the burgled house owners, a conservatively dressed middle-aged couple, quietly sat in the living room, looking shell-shocked.
Ranger caught up with me in the front foyer. “Any ideas?” he asked me.
“The thieves only hit two rooms. The master bedroom and the home office. There was a woman’s rose gold and diamond Cartier watch on the kitchen counter. And there were four icons that looked priceless in a display case in the living room. All untouched. Is this always the pattern?”
“Yes. They disable the alarm for precisely fifteen minutes, and they move directly to the master bedroom and office.”
“Why fifteen minutes?”
Ranger did palms-up. “I don’t know.”
“No prints left on doorknobs?”
“None.”
“And they only hit residential accounts?”
“So far.”
“This house has two security keypads. Can you tell which was used?”
“They always enter and exit through the garage.”
“The garage in this house opens into a short hall that leads to the kitchen. That means they walked through the kitchen twice and didn’t take the watch.”
“Correct,” Ranger said.
“Do you have anyone working for you who’s OCD or superstitious?”
“Almost everyone. I’m going to have Tank take you back to Rangeman so you can get your car. I need to stay here for a while and then I have paperwork to complete.”
“So I’m off the hook with the undressing thing?”
“Rain check,” Ranger said.
I drove home and did my own undressing, lathering, and shampooing. When I flopped into bed, my hair was still multicolored.
I STOPPED AT the bonds office on my way to Rangeman. It was a little before nine in the morning, and the air was warm, and the sky was almost blue. It was Indian summer in Jersey.
Connie and Lula looked over when I walked through the door.
“What the heck happened to you?” Lula wanted to know. “You got tutti-frutti hair. Is this some new fashion statement?”
“No, this is the result of a paintball encounter on Stark Street. The good ne
ws is I apprehended Kenny Hatcher.”
“Your mother’s going to have a cow when she sees your hair,” Connie said. “You try water? You try paint thinner?”
“I’ve tried everything.”
“I like it,” Lula said. “You should add some more pink. Pink’s a good color on you. And by the way, have you been listening to the radio? There’s a big reward being offered to anyone who brings in the guy who whacked Stanley Chipotle.”
