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She continues to go off on me, but I’ve stopped listening. It’s the same old thing every time anyway. I could probably recite most of it by verbatim in my sleep. She was the same way while we were married. Any time she was unhappy or didn’t get her way, it was always the same thing. I’m the bad guy. It’s all my fault. I’m always the one who is in the wrong, and she just loves to punish me for it any chance she gets.
Jenny shows up on the dock where I’ve just loaded the last of the supplies onto the boat. Seeing her makes my stomach twist with longing. She looks amazing in a white bathing suit that gleams against her tan skin. She has her youthful glow and her perfect body and a smile that would knock any man over. I realize then that my ex-wife is right about one thing. That bitch is always going to be around. We have kids together and there’s no escaping that. She’s always trying to bring me down, hurt me, ruin me. That will never change. She’s right about another thing too. Annie has been miserable lately. She doesn’t smile nearly as much as she used to. I shouldn’t have dragged her to the lake on vacation when she wanted to go to Italy with her mom. I’ve made things worse.
If I continue on with Jenny, it’s just going to bring Jenny down too. And if my ex ever found out what I’m doing with her, all hell will break loose. She’ll ruin me, and possibly Jenny as well. She’ll end up as collateral damage. I can’t let that happen.
“Are you ready?” Jenny says, looking excited. It’s going to break my heart to push her away. And hers. I know she’s falling for me just as hard as I’m falling for her. There’s no denying that I’m falling in love. Which makes me want to protect her that much more.
“There’s not going to be a boat trip today,” I say resigned.
“But why?”
“Just … stay away from me, okay?” I say, putting as much venom in my voice as I can. It’s so hard because I never would want to do anything to intentionally hurt her. But I have to. It’s either I hurt her or my ex does. And if my ex does it, it won’t just hurt. It will ruin and devastate. At least if I hurt her, she can get over it. She’ll find someone age-appropriate and move on.
God, that pains me to think about. I hate even getting near the idea of her being with someone else.
Tears sparkle in her eyes and the sight of it just kills me.
She storms off and the ache in my gut from hurting her has me bent over and wanting to scream in frustration. I want to chase after her and tell her I’m sorry and that I would never want to hurt her, but I can’t do that. This is what’s best for her and all I want is for her to be happy. She’ll get over me and she’ll go off to college and be happy then. I tell myself this will pass. But it doesn’t feel like it.
7
Jenny
“What’s wrong with you?” Tulip asks me. “You’ve been moping around all day.”
I lay back on my bed, thinking about the way Ben talked to me down by the lake. I don’t understand what happened. We’d been so happy until that point. Was he just using me to have sex and then discarded me when he was tired of it? I never would’ve guessed that he would do something like that. I’ve known him all my life and he’s not that type. Or maybe what his ex did to him turned him into that type. Maybe she ruined the most perfect man I’ve ever known. I want to just strangle her. I’m madder at her in this moment than I am at him, I think. No, that’s not true. I’m mad at him as well. I’m just pissed about the whole thing.
I don’t even want to think about it. The thought hurts too much. I’m so hurt and mad right now I could scream. I try not to cry in front of Tulip and Annie. I don’t want them to know anything is wrong with me. There will be so many questions and I have no idea how to answer them. There would need to be excuses and lies and I’m far too exhausted to come up with anything believable.
“Nothing,” I say. “Just sad that this is our last week of summer. It went by too fast.”
“I feel like we’ve hardly seen you,” Annie says. “You’re always disappearing to be by yourself. We were supposed to meet cute guys over this vacation and get you laid finally.”
