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round the desk a couple times, and Larry yelled to stop.
“Here’s the way it’s going down,” Larry said to me. “You go with us, or I’m going to shoot one of your friends.”
“What happens if I go with you?”
“I guess we hold you hostage until we can swap you out for the loser in the office.”
“That don’t sound so bad,” Lula said.
“Well, great,” I said to Lula. “If you think it sounds so wonderful, you can go with them.”
“Nuh-ah,” Lula said. “I’m mad at them. Mr. Pasty Flabby said I was fat.”
Mr. Pasty Flabby aimed the gun at Lula and squeezed off a round. The bullet tagged her in the fleshy part of her arm and dug into the wall behind her. Connie opened her desk drawer, grabbed the Glock, and shot Larry in the knee. Larry yelped and went down like a sack of sand.
“Drop your guns, or I’ll shoot him again,” Connie said.
Eugene and Mo dropped their guns and froze, and Larry rolled around, holding his knee, bleeding through his slacks.
“Get him out of here,” Connie said. “And don’t come back.”
Eugene and Mo dragged Larry out the door, shoved him into their car, and laid rubber driving off.
“That asshole shot me,” Lula said. “And now I’m bleeding. Somebody get me a Band-Aid. I’m gonna be real upset if I get blood on this tank top. It was one-of-a-kind at T.J.Maxx. I was lucky to find it.“
Bolts slid, and Vinnie’s door creaked open. “Are they gone?” Vinnie asked, peeking out.
“Yes,” Connie said. “But they’ll be back.”
“We have a problem,” I said. “Where are we going to stash Vinnie?”
“Don’t even think about me,” Lula said.
“He’s your relative,” Connie said to me.
“I already took a turn at it,” I told her.
“Mooner’s out,” Connie said. “He’s going to be wall-to-wall Hobbits.”
I looked at Vinnie. “Well?”
“How about a hotel?” Vinnie said.
“No money,” Connie told him. “We’re totally in the red.”
“Don’t you have any friends?” I asked Vinnie.
“I only have friends when I have money,” Vinnie said.
“That’s just sad,” Lula said. “You’re a pathetic individual.”
“Bite me,” Vinnie said.
“See, that’s what we’re talkin’ about,” Lula said. “You’re a hotbed of anger, and since I’m takin’ these courses in human nature, I know that comes from insecurity. You probably wet your bed or something. Or maybe you got a little pencil dick, or you can’t get it up without sexual enhancement aids. Or maybe you’re one of those who got a crook in their penis. It’s pretty common, but some men don’t like it. Personally, I find a dick that turns a corner can be a unique experience.”
“Just shoot me,” Vinnie said.
“I’ll take him until I find something better,” I said, “but both of you owe me. I expect you to come over and clean my bathroom when he leaves.”
