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I didn’t want to think too hard about Lula and her moves. On the one hand it was way too much information. On the other hand I felt inadequate. My big move was to get out of my underpants without snagging my foot and falling on my face.
I followed the cross street to Hamilton and turned toward the bonds office. Minutes later I parked behind Mooner’s bus. Morelli’s car was angle-parked in front of the bus, and Morelli was standing in the middle of the field.
“That is one fine man,” Lula said, looking at Morelli. “I don’t know what your problem is. I wouldn’t have any trouble saying yes to him. I’d say yes to whatever he was askin’.”
I had to admit, he was definitely fine.
Lula cut her eyes to me. “So when was the last time you two got busy?”
“A while ago.”
“So why’s that?”
“It’s complicated.”
“Hunh,” Lula said.
When Lula said hunh like that it indicated total disgust.
“Okay,” I said, “it’s because I’m confused. I’m having commitment issues.”
“You mean you can’t choose between Morelli and Ranger. I’m telling you, girl, you know what you gotta do. You gotta have a bake off, a throw down, a love fest. Hell, just ask them if they want to go head-to-head in the sack and see what they say. You’d be doing them a favor on account of you’d be makin’ up your mind. And then just for the heck of it, maybe you can throw in that guy Dave that your mom likes.”
I cut my eyes to Lula. “You can’t be serious.”
“Damn skippy I’m serious.”
“Something to consider,” I said.
“While you’re considering you might want to do something about Krakatoa. Like if you put a little teeny skirt on that barely covers your doodah, no one’s ever gonna look at your face. And on top of that it gives a man incentive to be real nice to you.”
“Words of wisdom.”
“You bet your ass,” Lula said. “I’m going into the bus now before Mr. Titty’s ghost creeps up around me.”
I didn’t have a sense of Mr. Titty’s ghost, so I went over to say hello to Morelli.
“What going on?” I asked him.
“I’m trying to get a grip on this. The forensic guys think Lou was buried within twenty-four hours of his disappearance.”
“Cause of death?”
“Looks like broken neck.”
“Gina Giovichinni said Lou had a big business deal go south just before he disappeared. Word was he had travel plans.”
“I’ve heard that rumor,” Morelli said. “So far I haven’t been able to get any details.”
“How about Mrs. Lou?”
“Mrs. Lou would be the last to know anything,” Morelli said. “She’s been in a self-induced Xanax coma for years.”
“Have you tried talking to her?”
“Yeah. It was painful. And unproductive.”
I realized Morelli was staring at my forehead.
