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“My lips are sealed. Zipped them up and threw away the key.”
“This should be an easy apprehension,” I said to Lula. “He’s not a career criminal. Probably not armed.”
“Especially if he’s naked.”
EIGHTEEN
THE NUDIE BEACH was at the end of the strip and attached to a casino that looked like it used to be a Walmart. I parked in the two-story garage, left Tiki in the car, and Lula and I walked through the casino to get to the boardwalk and the beach. A chunk of the beach had been screened off so as not to offend the modest people who weren’t crazy about seeing eighty-year-old naked guys. There was a concession stand and a changing room that opened onto the beach. Admission was twenty dollars. I tried to badge my way through but the woman at the door wasn’t seeing it.
“No one gets through without a ticket,” she said. “I don’t care if you’re a cop, the tooth fairy, or Jesus Christ.”
“That’s blasphemy,” Lula said to her. “You better watch what you say or you’re going straight to hell. God don’t like people implying he needs a ticket.”
We went to the concession stand and bought hotdogs, French fries, fried dough for dessert, and two tickets. We gave our tickets to the woman at the door and were allowed into the women’s locker room. We were stopped when we tried to get onto the beach.
“This is an all nude beach,” we were told by a large woman in a casino uniform. “You can’t go out with clothes o
n.”
“I’ll only be a minute,” I said. “I’m looking for Arthur Beasley.”
“He’s the bartender at the Surf Bar,” she said, “but you still have to take your clothes off.”
I showed her my credentials. “He’s in violation of his bond. I need to return him to the court.”
“That’s all well and good,” she said, “but you’re gonna have to do it naked.”
Lula and I retreated back into the locker room.
“I’m not going out there naked,” I said.
“Yeah, I see the problem. It’s sort of awkward trying to arrest someone with your hoo-ha showing. Kind of takes away the dignity of the apprehension procedure.”
I looked at my watch. “We’ll have to wait until he goes off his shift. We can catch him when he leaves.”
“That might not be until five o’clock,” Lula said. “I can’t wait here that long. I got a big date tonight. I need to get ready. I don’t even know what I’m gonna wear.” Lula kicked her shoes off. “I’m going out there. I haven’t got time to mess around with this.”
She peeled her tank top off and shimmied out of her spandex skirt. She stuck her thumb into the waistband of her thong, and I clapped my hands over my eyes.
“What the heck are you doing?” she asked.
“Giving you some privacy.”
“Girl, I’m taking my bare ass out onto that beach. I don’t think you gotta worry about my privacy.”
I uncovered my eyes but I looked down at the floor. I wasn’t ready to see Lula naked.
“Uh-oh,” Lula said. “I got a problem. Where am I gonna hide my handcuffs and stun gun?”
“You can’t take your stun gun out there. Stun guns are illegal. You’ll get arrested if you use it out in the open. You can hide the cuffs in a towel. They have a stack of towels by the door.”
“Okay, here I go,” Lula said. “I’ll be right back with the little runt.”
I sat on a bench and waited for Lula. Ten minutes went by. Fifteen minutes. Finally the door opened and Lula walked in all by herself.
“I couldn’t get him,” Lula said. “He didn’t want to cooperate.”
“What took you so long?”
