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“This sucks,” Stanley said to Lula. “You took advantage of me. I want my money back for the movie ticket.”
“I didn’t have nothing to do with this,” Lula said. “She figured this out on her own. I swear to RoboGod. And anyways, I bought the first two buckets of popcorn, and I let you fondle my knee.”
“I’m not going to jail,” Stanley said. “They make you take your clothes off and they look up your poopoo hole.”
“Dude,” Lula said. “You were sitting naked on your garage roof. Every time you turned around or bent over, everybody looked up your poopoo hole. That ship sailed.”
“I don’t care,” Stanley said, sitting down on the sidewalk. “I’m not going.”
“We need a forklift,” Lula said.
I had something better than a forklift. I had Rangeman guys. I motioned to the SUVs that I needed help, and two big guys emerged from each shiny black Rangeman vehicle.
“I need to deliver Mr. Kulicky to the police station,” I said.
Two of the men lifted Stanley and carried him to the SUV that was parked behind my Buick. He was buckled in, doors were closed, and we were ready to roll.
Lula and I got into the Buick and led the parade.
“I wasn’t going to come with,” Lula said, “but those Rangeman guys are hot. Not as hot as Ranger, but they’re totally acceptable.”
“What about Stanley?”
“Stanley is cuddly. There’s a difference between cuddly and hot. Hot trumps cuddly.”
I wasn’t sure that hot trumped cuddly. I liked cuddly a lot. Lucky for me, Morelli was both. I didn’t know about Ranger. I hadn’t had much cuddle time with Ranger.
We handed Stanley over to the docket lieutenant, I got my body receipt, and Stanley made another movie date with Lula.
We drove back to Lula’s house, Lula got into Mr. Kulicky’s SUV, and the parade took the SUV home. It was almost eleven o’clock, but lights were still on in the Kulicky house. I rang the bell and explained to Mr. Kulicky that Stanley was okay, and we’d bond him out first thing Monday morning. I handed him the keys to his car, took Lula home, and returned to Morelli with my Rangeman escort following close behind.
“How’d it go?” Morelli asked when I flopped onto the couch beside him.
“Smooth as silk.”
“You realize you have a tail, right?”
“It’s all your fault.”
“He would have done it
anyway.”
This was true.
“I hope you didn’t exhaust yourself on that capture,” Morelli said. “Because I have plans for the rest of the night and possibly tomorrow morning.”
“I hope the plans for tomorrow morning involve a trip to the bakery.”
“Kinky,” Morelli said, “but I might be able to work it in.”
TWENTY-FIVE
MORELLI, BOB, AND I sat at the little kitchen table, drinking coffee and eating donuts fresh from the bakery. The two Rangeman guys in the backyard were also drinking coffee and eating donuts. And the two Rangeman guys in the SUV in front of Morelli’s house were drinking coffee and eating donuts.
“They better hope Ranger doesn’t catch them eating donuts on the job,” I said to Morelli. “The closest you come to dessert at Rangeman is an apple.”
“At the risk of seeming unappreciative, four armed guards patrolling my property feels excessive.”
