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“Oh yeah? Doing what?” He looked around. “I don’t see anything going on here.”
“Is there an actual reason for this visit?”
“I’m getting to it,” Briggs said. “I was just opening up the visit with some polite chitchat. How do you like the weather we’re having? Blah, blah, blah.”
I stared down at him. “And?”
“And I’m doing this project with Lula. We’re auditioning for some television shows. Shooting some reels.”
“I heard.”
“Did you also hear that they’re crap? She overacts on everything. And she’s a screen hog. All you see is Lula, Lula, Lula. And between you and me, when you get the clothes off her she’s not a pretty sight. You ever seen her naked?” He shook his head. “Not good.”
“Is this going somewhere?”
“I thought you could talk to her. Explain to her that no one wants to see her fatness all over the screen. People are going to want to see me. I’m hot. And I’m little. Everyone wants to see hot little guys.”
“I don’t.”
“And the other thing is I thought of a good angle. Every week it’s the same thing on Naked and Afraid. It’s a guy and some girl, right? So I’m thinking it would be more interesting if it was a guy and two girls. Get a little action going. Girl on girl and two girls on the guy.”
“That would be the porno version of the show.”
“Not necessarily. They always fuzzy out the private parts of the girl and the guy, so it’s not like you’d see any of the good stuff.”
“Have you talked to Lula about this?”
“No. I wanted to run it by you first. Give you first crack at it since you and Lula are so tight. And you’re not real fat, so you wouldn’t take up the whole frame.”
“You want me to be the second naked woman?”
“Yeah.”
“No.”
Briggs looked shocked. “What do you mean, no? It’s the chance of a lifetime. It could make you into a big TV star.”
“No. Not going to happen. No way. No how. Never.”
“You’re going to pass up a chance to get naked with me?”
“Yeah.”
“Why?” Briggs asked.
“You’re cranky and disgusting.”
“Okay, but besides that.”
I pointed to the open door. “Go!”
“Aren’t you going to offer me something to drink?”
“No.”
“You got a lot to learn about hospitality,” Briggs said.
I grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge and handed it to him.
