AllFreeNovel
Share Us
“It’s not my fault. It goes there all by itself. I’m not responsible for what my hand does when I’m sleeping.”
“You’re not sleeping. You’re wide awake.”
“Good point.” And he fondled me. “Are you sure you don’t like it?”
“Maybe a little, but it doesn’t matter. I need a shower. I need a toothbrush. I need to shave my legs. Omigod!”
“What?” Hooker was on his feet, looking around. “What?”
“There’s no bathroom.”
He had his hand to his heart. “You scared the bejeezus out of me.”
“I need a bathroom.”
Hooker’s eyes strayed to the jungle.
“No way!”
“Don’t wander too far,” Hooker said. “It wouldn’t be good to get lost. And watch where you step.”
“This is all my brother’s fault,” I said. “Every mess I’ve ever been in has been his fault.”
“The three engagements?”
“Men!” I said. And I huffed off, viciously kicking and slashing my way through the tangle of vines and bushes. I did what I had to do, and I followed the trail of smashed vegetation back to the stream.
Hooker was sitting on the side of the boat, eating a granola bar. He looked at me and his eyes got wide and his mouth dropped open.
“What?” I said. “All right, so I know I tinkled on my sneaker. It’s not easy doing this when you’re a girl.”
He dropped the granola bar on the ground and reached for an oar. “Honey, I don’t want you to panic, but you’ve got something in your hair.”
I rolled my eyes up, trying to see through my skull, and reached for the top of my head.
“No! Don’t touch it!” Hooker said. “Don’t move. Stand perfectly still.”
“What is it?”
“You don’t want to know.”
“What are you going to do with the oar?”
“I’m going to flick it off.”
“Why don’t you just use your hand?”
“What are you, nuts? That’s the biggest fucking spider I’ve ever seen. That motherfucker is the size of a dinner plate. I don’t know how it’s even staying on your head.”
“Spider!” And I started screaming and doing the yucky dance. “GET IT OFF! GET IT OFF! GET IT OFF!” Everything went cobwebby and I fainted.
When I came around, Hooker was bending over me looking worried.
“What happened?” I asked him.
“You fainted. You were screaming and then your eyes rolled back and went over like CRASH.”
“I never faint. You probably hit me with the oar and knocked me out.”
