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“We need to get these guys into the guardhouse and secure them before someone comes along,” she said.
“I love it when a plan comes together,” Emerson said.
Fifteen minutes later the two guards were sitting on the floor, handcuffed to a woodstove in the center of the gatehouse and stripped down to their underwear. Vernon and Wayan Bagus were outside changing into the guards’ uniforms. Riley and Emerson were foraging for food.
“You boys don’t mind if we borrow your uniforms for a while, do you?” Emerson said. “We’ll return them just as soon as we find out what you’re hiding behind this fence.”
The guards glared at Emerson and struggled against their restraints.
“Screw you,” the older guard said. “We’re all dead men. Tin Man’s going to kill you, and then he’s going to kill us.”
“Then it might be time for you to reconsider where your loyalties lie, since your survival is predicated on ours,” Emerson said, confiscating a box of granola bars.
Vernon and Wayan Bagus walked back into the gatehouse. “I’m telling you right now, nobody better laugh,” Vernon said.
Vernon’s khaki pants were three inches too short and tight in all the wrong places. The khaki button-down shirt fit him even worse. Wayan Bagus had the opposite problem. He was absolutely swimming in his clothes, and was holding up his pants with one hand.
“And I thought I looked ridiculous with an octopus on my back,” Riley said.
Vernon cut his eyes to Wayan Bagus. “I told you we looked like a couple of grade A morons. But no, you think they fit great. Look at me. I can barely walk, and I can’t tell where my doodles end and my dongle begins.”
Wayan Bagus hoisted his pants. “You must look on the positive side. Vanity can create a very cruel space for you and, by extension, your doodles, if you don’t know how to manage it.”
“Lord Buddha?” Riley asked.
Wayan Bagus shook his head. “Lady Gaga. I’ve recently become one of her Little Monsters.”
Vernon rolled his eyes. “Lady Gaga never wore anything as stupid looking as this, and she wore a dress made of meat to the MTV Video Music Awards.” He turned to Emerson. “What now?”
“The plan is that you and Wayan will stay at the gatehouse. Riley and I will go inside the fence and investigate.”
“When will you be back?” Vernon asked.
Emerson gestured toward the two guards. “We need to be back before sunrise, when the day shift comes to relieve these two. I don’t expect there will be too many visitors through the night, but if there are, just ask anybody who comes to the gate for their identification and wave them through.”
There was the faint noise of an engine in the dark woods accompanied by a faraway glow of headlights. “Looks like we’re getting at least one visitor,” Riley said.
Emerson gagged the two guards and handed Vernon his campaign hat. “Just let them through. Riley and I will hide behind the gatehouse until they’ve passed.”
An armored Humvee followed by a heavy-duty military transport truck rumbled slowly out of the woods and approached the gate. “Well, that’s something you don’t see every day,” Emerson whispered to Riley from their hiding place.
Riley leaned into Emerson. “What’s an armored military transport doing in the middle of Yellowstone?”
“It’s a transport. It’s either making a delivery or a withdrawal.”
“Of what?”
“You don’t send an armored militarized truck to deliver a pizza,” Emerson said. “I want to get on that truck.”
“How the heck do you intend to do that?”
“Wu wei.”
“For once, I agree. There’s not a lot of downside to doing nothing in this situation.”
Vernon and Wayan Bagus walked outside to greet the Humvee. Vernon was carrying the assault rifle. Wayan Bagus was carrying a clipboard in one hand and holding onto his pants with the other.
“Namaste,” Wayan Bagus said to the driver. “May we please see your identification?”
