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Grabbing my ankle, he made a fist and pushed it into my glute. When he lifted my ankle and pressed down, I grunted. My fingers pressed into the table and my nails turned white from the tightness in my hip. I peeked over my shoulder, trying to see his face.
“So my mother had me out of wedlock. I took her last name, but was given the male version. It is why you see my awards and titles with Kournakov instead of Kournakova. I added an A in honor of her the first chance I got.”
“Out of wedlock? Kova, no one says that.” I laughed lightly, trying to lighten the mood. “Where is your father?”
Embarrassment clouded his eyes. “I do not know. I have never met him.” Shame laced his quiet tone and I felt bad for asking.
“Oh,” was all I could say. I wasn’t sure how to respond to his admission, but I was curious to know more about the story now. I wanted to know if he was the result of a one-night stand or a boyfriend who took off after he was born, not wanting to be a dad. Or maybe he passed away when Kova was younger. My brows furrowed, my mind playing out so many alternatives as I wondered about all the different ways this story could go, but I never expected his next words.
“She was raped,” he confessed quietly, completely avoiding eye contact now.
“What?” I gasped, trying to sit up, only he pressed down harder and lifted my leg higher.
“She was ra
ped,” he repeated, and my heart broke at his forlorn voice. I wish I could see his face. I couldn’t imagine any child would want to know they were born from such a vicious crime, but he knew.
“Your mom told you she was raped?” I asked, astonished.
“Not at first. Only when I pressed her enough about my father did she open up. When I got older, she finally told me the truth.”
I’d never known anyone who was raped, or had been the product of one. “What did you think when she told you?”
He snarled, jumping down and moving to the other side of the table. “That I wanted to kill him. You see, my mother was my hero. Unlike for you, my mom was my role model. She did anything and everything she could for me, to give me what I needed to succeed because she did not have the support she needed when she was growing up. She was alone. It was not her fault she got pregnant with me, and she did not have to keep me. It was a brave choice she made. So when I found out about the rape, pure hatred ran through me.”
He applied the same method to my other leg. “So you have no idea who he is then.” I couldn’t imagine what that would feel like. While my dad wasn’t around a lot due to his business, he was still there.
“Oh, I have an idea who he is.”
“What? How? I don’t understand.”
“He is my cousin.”
What. In. The. Ever. Loving. Fuck.
“How can that be? That’s...but that’s incest...” I tried to turn around again, but he put a stop to it. Now I wish I had waited to change the subject so I could read his facial expressions.
“She said growing up he had always touched her in places no one ever had. But she was scared to go to her parents because she was not sure if it was really wrong. It was her family.”
“How come your mom didn’t go to the police after it happened? Tell her parents? What do they think now?”
Kova tapped the back of my thigh and I turned back over. He guided me to the yoga mat on the floor near the wall.
“Kneel with your back to the wall, about two feet away. Arms up.” I did as he asked, and looked up at him expectantly for him to answer my questions.
He got on his knees to the left of me and looked at me sadly, shaking his head. “She did, but no one believed her. Shortly after she found out about the pregnancy, she was thrown out with nowhere to go. She went to some church that housed pregnant teenagers but then moved out after I was born. Soon after she left, she realized she could not afford to live on her own and ran into an old friend from the church she had met. She was working in a gentleman’s club and offered my mom quick cash and a babysitter on hand. So she took it. It was the only way she could support us.”
I looked into Kova’s tortured eyes and my heart bled for him, but my ears were eager for more. He placed a flat hand to my shoulder blade and angled me back so my arms were straight and my hands were flat on the wall. I grunted at this odd position of a half back bend.
“Why didn’t she leave once she had enough money saved up?”
“Because she could never make the money she did while working behind the counter as a cashier. When I asked her, she said she did not want to struggle and wanted me to have everything she did not have.”
He moved to the front of my body and placed both hands low on my hips. Gently and carefully, he pulled them forward with a squeeze. His thumbs pressed daringly into my hip bones and a shot of heat jolted through me. My chest burned and my heart raced. Even after all the hours of practice today, I felt the burn from the stretch, but more outrageously, I could feel heat radiating off him. The cloth of his shorts danced against my bare legs. I took a deep breath and exhaled. He relaxed his hold, allowing me to breathe. My hips shifted back for a moment, but he never removed his hands.
“Once I got into gymnastics at a competitive level, I am sure you can understand how expensive it was for her, there was no way she was stopping. She said she saw potential in me,” he huffed sadly as he drew my hips toward him again. Breathe, I told myself. Breathe. But it was more difficult than I deemed possible with my hips pinned to his. I wondered if he realized our position. My body tightened and I nearly fell over, but I kept my composure as he continued.
“She made sure she was at every practice, at every meet, and paid for it all on her own.”
