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As I knelt trying to summon the strength to get up, a large hand came to rest on my back. The weight of his body created a slight indentation on the mat. Kova. As if I wasn’t in enough pain already.
Of course.
“Are you okay, Adrianna?”
I nodded silently.
“Let me help you up,” he offered as his hand cupped my bicep and pulled me up.
“I’m fine.” I choked out behind false bravado.
But I wasn’t. My inner thighs were raw, my crotch was aching and on fire. It felt strange, like something moved inside and broke. I knew that wasn’t possible, but something didn’t feel right.
“Shake it off,” Coach said. “Do you need a break?”
“No,” I responded, then reached for the beam. I climbed up, feeling the heat race from inside my crotch area out and down through my thighs. Pushing back the tears, I bit my lip so hard I tasted blood. I got this. I knew I could do it. I just needed to refocus on the move and not what people were thinking—and staring at.
With my shoulders back and arms positioned, my knees trembled. The pain from the fall had my nerves all over the place. Maybe this wasn’t a good idea, I thought as my heart beat frantically in my chest. I felt sick, and I knew I looked pale. I was truly scared.
Kova’s deep voice eased into the next sentence, almost as if he was worried for me. “Lock your legs, Adrianna.”
I exhaled, then stepped into the leap, but fear took hold of my heart before I could complete the sequence.
I slipped and fell. Again.
“Jesus Christ,” Kova mumbled, his voice drawing closer to me.
Only this time it wasn’t as bad because my ribs didn’t hit the beam. However, my crotch suffered severely from the impact and I needed to check on it in the bathroom immediately.
My jaw trembled as tears burst from my eyes. I covered my face and cried silently into the blue mat that smelled like feet. I couldn’t do this anymore. I was done, I wanted to go home. It hurt too much.
“Let me see,” Coach said, squatting in front of me as I sat holding my stomach. The girls stared at me. Fresh tears dripped from my eyes and he used his thumb to wipe them away.
Kova’s eyes met mine. He pushed my knee open to get a better look. From the tops of my knees to my inner thighs, they were both bright red and had scrape marks. Kova hissed. “Go get some ice and sit on it.”
I kept my eyes trained on the floor as I made my way out, worried I’d see their gawking faces over my poor performance. I sighed inwardly. Today was the worst day of my life and I wanted to be done with it.
I looked like an amateur. No one fell the way I had today. Twice.
Before going to the cafe for some ice, I stopped in the bathroom and tore my leo off. Damn thing stuck to me. The stabbing pain inside my vagina was like a knife slowly slicing into me and I had to check. Something wasn’t right.
Looking down, there were small, red droplets of blood. Shit. And I wore a
violet leotard, so I’d need to change into another one before I went back out. Or just throw on some shorts.
With two fingers, I gently moved myself around and winced in pain. I was already the color of a cherry and swollen, and I knew by looking, it was going to take a good week to heal. And probably hurt to pee.
Redressing, I washed my hands then made my way into the kitchen. Thankfully no one was around to talk to or question me. I gathered two bags of ice and wrapped both loosely in a paper towel. Placing the bags on a chair, I carefully sat down so one bag hit my center and the other was on my inner thighs. As much as it burned from the chill, it actually felt good at the same time. I leaned over to find a comfortable position on the table and held my weight up with my elbows and dropped my head into my arms. I was trembling inside and sulking at how terrible I performed this afternoon.
As I sat alone icing myself, I visualized the switch leap over and over, landing it perfectly each time with elegance. How I could mess up something as simple as a leap but land a double back handspring back layout sequence perfectly made no sense. I pictured Kova nodding in approval, his striking face looking up proudly at me. Even when he was livid he was gorgeous. Anyone with eyes would agree with me.
Kova was attractively annoying. He put more pressure on me than anyone else and I couldn’t decide if that was a good thing or not. I wondered if there was a motive behind pushing me the way he had aside from helping me achieve my dream of going to the Olympics one day. I wasn’t that bad off, there had to be more. Couldn’t he see I tried my hardest to prove to him I wanted to be here? My stomach was in knots and I clenched my eyes shut, fighting the climbing tears. I couldn’t think of anything else to prove any of this to him.
Maybe he hated the ground I walked on. Maybe he saw potential. Maybe I got under his skin. Maybe in some obscure way he liked me. Maybe not...I thought of his stunning girlfriend and knew I was just making stuff up in my head. Katja was the complete opposite of me. Her eyes were a kaleidoscope of amber and peridot. She had a flawless ivory complexion. Not to mention a super model body girls would kill for. There wasn’t a thing wrong with her. She was beautiful and smart, and to top it off, she was genuinely nice. The perfect package. Any man would die to be with her.
Since the Fourth of July barbecue, Katja had been to the gym a few times. Watching him embrace her made my heart throb. He’d lace his fingers through her perfectly styled waves, look deeply into her eyes, and pull her mouth to his with passion. As if he needed her to get through the rest of his day. When he pulled away, her mouth would be swollen and red, her eyes glazed over with bliss. But it wasn’t just me who watched, the entire girls’ team watched in awe, too. They were the perfect couple and we all wished we were her.
Then I remembered when Kova had said I was just as pretty. Gorgeous, even.
