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I was torn. I remembered him telling me what he was giving me, along with the Motrin and other vitamins, I just hadn’t known then what melatonin was exactly or how potent it could be.
I dropped my forehead into my palm, utterly and completely confused. I stared at my crossed legs in a daze trying to figure out what I should do. A thousand questions flew at me all at once, but the most important question I had to ask myself was did I feel violated.
The answer struck my gut, drove up, and pierced my heart so fast.
The truth was, no, I did not.
I couldn't find it in my heart to feel any other way. Not because I feared the repercussions, or what anyone would think, or I was worried about my future, but because it was Kova, and I cared deeply for him. And no matter how fucked up this relationship was and what we were doing, deep down, I knew he cared about me too.
And to be honest, I liked it. A lot.
My phone rang again, but I ignored it.
I was too fixated on my thoughts, my emotions, my feelings.
A knock resonated at my door minutes later, breaking me free of my thoughts. I quickly slipped on the shirt I had on earlier, then ran to answer it, and found a completely disheveled and wide-eyed Kova gripping the doorframe.
Before he could utter a word, I grabbed his wrist and pulled him inside. Kova shifted on his feet. His usually heavy shielded emotions were bare to me.
"Why did you not answer my calls? Are you upset with me? Because fifteen minutes ago you asked me to come over, then you send me a very erotic photo of your pussy. Then you ignore me. You are sending me mixed signals."
My cheeks reddened. I flattened my lips. He was right, and it took me a minute to answer. Kova stepped toward me and looked down at my chest, then back up. My stupid nipples were still hard.
"I did not video or photograph your face. We both know the truth and that is what matters." Kova's eyes sharpened in my direction but his voice was gentle, apologetic. "Do not try and twist it for what it is not. I thought you would find the absolute forbidden beauty in it, but I am very sorry I upset you."
I glanced away. I stupidly did find beauty in it. He knew that because I asked for more.
"Listen, I thought the videos were really sexy, but next time I'd like to be awake."
I chuckled softly. What the fuck was wrong with me?
His eyes softened and he looked at the floor. He was embarrassed, ashamed. Two emotions last on my list I'd expect from him. He stared long before he surrendered and dipped his chin in agreement.
"I truly am sorry," he said quietly, unable to meet my forgiving gaze.
Kova dug his hand into his pocket and pulled out a white, folded piece of paper. He flipped it over between his hands as if he was buying time. Lifting the paper, he looked at me and exhaled a tortuous sigh. His shoulders sagged, and I felt the weight he carried on them for a hundred men.
"Like everything that involves you, I probably should not do this, but I want you to read this." I glanced at him suspiciously. "I convey my thoughts better on paper," he stated. Which I already knew.
Rooted in my position, I stalled. I looked at the note, then I looked up at him. This was originally how I found out about his contradicting emotions and how everything really began between us.
He lifted the paper higher toward me. "Take it, please. Read it when I leave."
A light bulb went off in my head. "I have an idea." I reached for his forearm and turned, pulling him behind me to follow me to the spare bedroom. Once in the room, I backed him up to a decorative chair and pushed him to sit next to the desk.
He looked up in confusion.
Unless I had homework and wanted a change of scenery, I barely came into this room. It was like a store-all. I began rummaging through the shelves in my unorganized closet. One day I'd clean it up, just not today.
"Do you need some help?" Kova offered. I twisted over with my backside to him and glanced over my shoulder, his penetrating eyes took in every inch of my skin like he was concentrating hard. He dragged his teeth along the bottom of his plump lip, lewd thoughts
danced in his animalistic eyes. We were forbidden chemistry. A lethal attraction.
With Kova, I had this dark desire to always want to be his little vixen and attract all his attention. I'd do anything for it.
Pretending I had an itch, I dragged my fingers across the back of my thigh. I could feel his searing gaze follow my hand across my bare skin, still only in panties and a shirt that rode up my back. At this angle, I knew if I leaned any lower that he'd be able to see my breasts. The possibility of events that could occur after floated through my mind.
"What did you say?" I pretended to not hear him the first time.
