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"I do not know what you did up there, but you caught me by complete surprise. Excellent work, Adrianna. You let go of your fear and allowed yourself to shine. You trusted yourself. I thought you may need a bit more work with this beam, but you shocked me and proved me wrong."
I sat on the floor and pulled up my knees in a butterfly position. "Gymnastics is so tricky," I said, unwrapping the ace bandages from my ankle. It alleviated some tenderness with my Achilles but not as well as the sports tape. "It's risky and messes with your head more than any other sport out there," I said as if it just dawned on me. "As much as I like to think I can control everything, I know I can't. So, if I stop thinking about all the things that could go wrong and think about all the things that could go right, and I try my absolute best, it should work in my favor. Should being the keyword." I chuckled to myself as I crumpled the bandage and dropped it in my bag. "Otherwise I'm always going to find errors."
Kova listened while I rambled on. His attention never left mine, as if every word I said mattered. It was the best feeling to see him already staring at me. I felt high on life, ready to tackle my next obstacle with Kova by my side.
"I'm not sure what came over me, but I was driven by power and determination. Maybe it was because I have you behind me, I'm not sure, but I do know that I have nothing to lose and everything to gain, so I just kind of let go and believed in myself."
I smiled brightly at him. The way Kova looked at me made my heart flutter. I couldn't stop it from happening. I felt great. Confident. Like I could take on the world. He was happy and proud, and I loved that I exceeded his expectations.
"Adrianna, I wish I could finish this conversation with you, but I have to go. Just know, that what you did up there is because you stopped doubting yourself. You proved it just like I knew you would. I cannot wait to see you perform tomorrow."
He turned away before I could say anything. I knew he wasn't leaving to purposely avoid me, my teammates needed his attention as well.
I tried not to smile from ear to ear. I tried not to stare at him with admiration. But I did and I didn't give a shit who saw. He was proud, and that filled my chest with so many emotions I couldn't put into words. Appraisal was not something I needed all the time, but in flashes of self-doubt, it changed everything. He gave me the courage I needed to move forward. He was my life boat.
Make it count. It's what he'd said since the moment I started with World Cup. And I would. For myself. For my coaches.
Kova moved to stand near the uneven bars again, this time to help Holly. I watched as he instructed her, giving her the same reassurance he instilled in me. He believed in us. Despite his flaws—and he had plenty—he cared about his gymnasts and the sport. He wanted us to succeed.
But what stole my attention wasn't Holly's impressive routine. It was the burning glare coming from my right, searing a hole into my head. It was impossible not to feel the intensity of those spiteful eyes.
Reagan.
My smile faltered as she stared at me with a scowl so profound it caused a shiver to run down my spine. She lifted one brow and angled her head to the side, then shifted her gaze over to our coach.
She'd seen everything she needed to. And I’d let her.
Chapter Forty
My parents hadn't shown up until this morning. Naturally.
My stomach fluttered at the thought of my mom coming to my first big qualifier meet. Not my dad, even though he'd been to less meets than Mom. I knew she was waiting for me to fail. My gut said she did because she never saw my dream as anything more than an expensive hobby, and that said more than anything else. Maybe Dad felt the same way, but he never openly stated it. He encouraged me and supported my hard work and dedication. Each slip up was an open door for my mom to criticize me, to insist I do something else with my spare time. I pictured her in the stands, glaring down at me, somewhere between uninterested and annoyed.
Anxiety seized my chest as a sharp pain tore through it. I closed my eyes and counted to ten, breathing deeply and slowly, just as Kova had shown me. Gymnastics was my life. It was my passion. My outlet. All you had to do was open your eyes and watch my heart speak for me.
I was going to show her that with my performance. Today was my day.
Swallowing away the worry, I opened my eyes and glanced around the gym. Chalk permeated the air. A springboard rebounded and feet slammed onto a dismount mat. Classical music blared on the speakers and the sound of the bars ricocheting echoed in the distance. The meet was in full swing.
There were three judges at every event. They sat at a long table, dressed in navy blue business attire with notepads and clipboards at their fingertips. Their beady eyes criticizing every little thing. With so much against me, I trained hard for this day. Blood and sweat. I pushed my body. My coaches pushed harder. Now I just had to allow my love for the sport to shine.
My team walked in a perfectly straight line toward vault. Chin up, shoulders back. World Cup was second on rotation. Which meant I had less than an hour until I competed.
We were dressed in matching black sweat suits with a leotard underneath. Of course, Kova would've picked black. It was the only color he ever saw and wore. Our leos were even black, but with swirls of peridot Swarovski crystals curving and swooping like ocean waves. Hair was pulled back into a tight ponytail, not a flyaway in site. Jewelry was removed and sports bras hidden away.
Stepping up to the row of chairs that lined the gym wall, we spread out and took a seat. I began shuffling through my duffle bag for my gear when my wrist caught a sharp corner. I pulled back.
Brows scrunched together, I slid aside the extra leotard I carried with me and I drew in a breath as a hard surface appeared before me.
It was the notebook I'd given Kova. I'd forgotten he'd taken it that night.
My eyes widened and I hastily tried to block the view of my bag by flipping down the top and concealing the contents. My eyes skipped around the small group to see if anyone saw or heard anything, but they were oblivious. My heartbeat thundered in my ears. When I felt confident no one saw anything, I looked back at the little notebook. I wondered when Kova had the opportunity to sneak it in my bag, and why he'd changed his mind after adamantly telling me it was a stupid idea.
Instantly I became paranoid. Again, my eyes shifted from side to side without turning my head to see if anyone caught anything. My adrenaline spiked, my heart rate jumped.
He played this game better than me. I never even saw him slip it in.
My fingers stroked the thin, hard edge. I contemplated opening the notebook now instead of later. I wasn't worried someone would see me reading, I didn't think anyone would care, I worried there would be something that could mentally mess with me before the meet. That's what I feared the most.
